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thirty2flavors It took me longer than it would usually take me to read a 700 page teen lit book because I found myself sincerely, honestly bored as shit at some parts. Even Twilight's former cracklike tendencies are wearing off -- that, or I'm just more aware of the fail now, so it doesn't work.
Anyway, with all due respect to everyone on my flist who liked it, I truly think this was just such a terrible novel I cannot even really put it into words. By giving Bella everything she ever wanted AND MORE!!! Meyer completely undermined the only vague theme she had going, which was that true luv~ is all about sacrifice. There were just so many deus ex machinas in this book I can't even begin to count them. How the hell can Smeyer's vampires have father children? This makes zero sense with the vampire mythology that Smeyer created, which is what really blows my mind. If she wanted ickle Renesmee in the first place, she could've given herself a more logical set-up for it.
Plus, Bella's transformation into the Ultimate Mary-Sue made me want to kill something. I mean, we knew it was coming, but I don't need to hear about how dazzling you are, Bella. It's also way lame that Bella is so superspecial that her superpsecial power is one that cancels out (virtually) every other vampire's skill, except for Alice, Jasper and Captain Planet's. The Volturi is the biggest failure of an evil organization in the world, because despite their presence as OMG SO SCARY in New Moon and Breaking Dawn, both times they basically give the Cullens a Stern Talking To, which is, you know, the height of awesome climax.
I don't even know, I was going to write a coherent, well-structured review of the many ways Breaking Dawn sucks at life, but now I find I cannot even bring myself to do that. It's not even like I'm disappointed -- I was glad the spoilers were real because they were too hilarious to be fake, and I certainly didn't expect a good book -- I'm just, I don't know, mind-blown that even Meyer could crank out something like this.
Also, bitch needs to stop trying to be JKR. Two movies? An encyclopedia? Stfu.
I also think it's interesting that from what I gather, mostly everyone who read the spoilers absolutely hated the novel; a good number of people who went into it blind liked it and thought it was a... good surprise, or something. Hmm.
This'll probably be my last post about Twilight for the foreseeable future, so I'll also add that I went to the release party on Friday with Sindie for... I don't know, entertainment? She didn't end up buying the book, either, so we were basically loitering or something. Awesome. Anyway, Chapters somehow (he doesn't even work there) roped Will into being Jacob -- which is hilarious, because he does not resemble Jacob in any way -- and he was working at the refreshments table where they had two bowls of punch (the "Edward" and the "Jacob") so Sindie and I just kind of loitered around there and talked to him for most of the night.
A couple girls asked to take a picture with him, which I found hilarious, and I guess one mom came over and asked Will and the Edward if they'd take a picture with her daughter because omg it's her birthday and it would mean so much to her omg!!! because I guess getting pictures with random Chapters employees is way up on this girl's list of life goals. However by far the best was the girl who refused to be served by Jacob. It was like this:
Will: Kali, can you serve her? She refuses to be served by Jacob.
Me: omfg rly. *laughs* SO I GUESS YOU WANT THE "EDWARD" THEN?
Girl: Emmett!
Will (who, for the record, knows absolutely nothing about Twilight): Emmett sucks.
Girl: OMFG *rips Will's "Jacob" nametag out of his jacket pocket*
Will/Kali/Everyone: ......
Kali: ..........BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
Girl: *suddenly realizes she just acted like a fucking psycho and has the deceny to be completely mortified* Oh my god, sorry, I don't know why I did that. *hands back nametag*
Will: ...Er.
Kali: hahahahahahaha
The theme of the Chapters party was "masquerade". I happen to be wearign a dress for the sole reason that I got it the day before and wanted to try it out, lirl.
Sindie and I. I am so pale. OMG AM I A VAMPIRE :O
Sindie, Tania and I. Tania works at Chapters and she is wearing her prom dress. it is pretty intense.
Hurrah for volunteer workers! LIRL
I don't know who these people are, I just love the guy on the left. LOOK AT HIM. *dies*
Anyway, with all due respect to everyone on my flist who liked it, I truly think this was just such a terrible novel I cannot even really put it into words. By giving Bella everything she ever wanted AND MORE!!! Meyer completely undermined the only vague theme she had going, which was that true luv~ is all about sacrifice. There were just so many deus ex machinas in this book I can't even begin to count them. How the hell can Smeyer's vampires have father children? This makes zero sense with the vampire mythology that Smeyer created, which is what really blows my mind. If she wanted ickle Renesmee in the first place, she could've given herself a more logical set-up for it.
Plus, Bella's transformation into the Ultimate Mary-Sue made me want to kill something. I mean, we knew it was coming, but I don't need to hear about how dazzling you are, Bella. It's also way lame that Bella is so superspecial that her superpsecial power is one that cancels out (virtually) every other vampire's skill, except for Alice, Jasper and Captain Planet's. The Volturi is the biggest failure of an evil organization in the world, because despite their presence as OMG SO SCARY in New Moon and Breaking Dawn, both times they basically give the Cullens a Stern Talking To, which is, you know, the height of awesome climax.
I don't even know, I was going to write a coherent, well-structured review of the many ways Breaking Dawn sucks at life, but now I find I cannot even bring myself to do that. It's not even like I'm disappointed -- I was glad the spoilers were real because they were too hilarious to be fake, and I certainly didn't expect a good book -- I'm just, I don't know, mind-blown that even Meyer could crank out something like this.
Also, bitch needs to stop trying to be JKR. Two movies? An encyclopedia? Stfu.
I also think it's interesting that from what I gather, mostly everyone who read the spoilers absolutely hated the novel; a good number of people who went into it blind liked it and thought it was a... good surprise, or something. Hmm.
This'll probably be my last post about Twilight for the foreseeable future, so I'll also add that I went to the release party on Friday with Sindie for... I don't know, entertainment? She didn't end up buying the book, either, so we were basically loitering or something. Awesome. Anyway, Chapters somehow (he doesn't even work there) roped Will into being Jacob -- which is hilarious, because he does not resemble Jacob in any way -- and he was working at the refreshments table where they had two bowls of punch (the "Edward" and the "Jacob") so Sindie and I just kind of loitered around there and talked to him for most of the night.
A couple girls asked to take a picture with him, which I found hilarious, and I guess one mom came over and asked Will and the Edward if they'd take a picture with her daughter because omg it's her birthday and it would mean so much to her omg!!! because I guess getting pictures with random Chapters employees is way up on this girl's list of life goals. However by far the best was the girl who refused to be served by Jacob. It was like this:
Will: Kali, can you serve her? She refuses to be served by Jacob.
Me: omfg rly. *laughs* SO I GUESS YOU WANT THE "EDWARD" THEN?
Girl: Emmett!
Will (who, for the record, knows absolutely nothing about Twilight): Emmett sucks.
Girl: OMFG *rips Will's "Jacob" nametag out of his jacket pocket*
Will/Kali/Everyone: ......
Kali: ..........BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
Girl: *suddenly realizes she just acted like a fucking psycho and has the deceny to be completely mortified* Oh my god, sorry, I don't know why I did that. *hands back nametag*
Will: ...Er.
Kali: hahahahahahaha
The theme of the Chapters party was "masquerade". I happen to be wearign a dress for the sole reason that I got it the day before and wanted to try it out, lirl.
Sindie and I. I am so pale. OMG AM I A VAMPIRE :O
Sindie, Tania and I. Tania works at Chapters and she is wearing her prom dress. it is pretty intense.
Hurrah for volunteer workers! LIRL
I don't know who these people are, I just love the guy on the left. LOOK AT HIM. *dies*
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no subject
Date: 2008-08-05 07:19 pm (UTC)Also, the movie script leaked, I read it, and...I have to say I'm impressed with the screenwriters' loyalty to the book. (Sadly, there was no use of the word "dazzle," not even "Do I dazzle you?" I was disappointed.) And I kind of want to see the movie to laugh at it. I don't think the Twihards will be disappointed, though, unless the acting is pure crap (which wouldn't surprise me). Also, seriously, BD two movies? What the HELL. There isn't even a PLOT until page 5430825095. And it's a plot made of suckitude.
I also really, really, really want to see what Smeyer's interviews about BD post-factum have to say. Just to laugh at her.
no subject
Date: 2008-08-05 07:34 pm (UTC)Really? I read most of the sides when they leaked way back when, but I haven't read the whole script. I'll innevitably see the Twilight movie, too, but mostly because it's going to be hilaripus. Hilarious, I say! I'm sure they'll love it, though. I mean, some of them liked Breaking Dawn.
Best book review ever. (http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/entertainmentnewsbuzz/2008/08/twilight-a-snap.html)
no subject
Date: 2008-08-05 08:23 pm (UTC)My friend sent it to me. I can send it to you, if you want. And I'm hoping to be in Brazil in December, so maybe Chris and I can go and watch the fail together. I...kind of think it'll do well enough (because of the Twihards) that they might make a NM movie. Also, I was watching a video in which they were interviewing the director and she kind of makes me cringe. A lot.
And oh, RPattz, I love that you totally know how stupid your character is (and how stupid Twilight is, too, and you're scared of the fangirls—good boy!), but can you please fix your hair? It's awful.*laughs* Yeah, I read that yesterday, I think. It's pretty awesome.