thirty2flavors

It took me longer than it would usually take me to read a 700 page teen lit book because I found myself sincerely, honestly bored as shit at some parts. Even Twilight's former cracklike tendencies are wearing off -- that, or I'm just more aware of the fail now, so it doesn't work.

Anyway, with all due respect to everyone on my flist who liked it, I truly think this was just such a terrible novel I cannot even really put it into words. By giving Bella everything she ever wanted AND MORE!!! Meyer completely undermined the only vague theme she had going, which was that true luv~ is all about sacrifice. There were just so many deus ex machinas in this book I can't even begin to count them. How the hell can Smeyer's vampires have father children? This makes zero sense with the vampire mythology that Smeyer created, which is what really blows my mind. If she wanted ickle Renesmee in the first place, she could've given herself a more logical set-up for it.

Plus, Bella's transformation into the Ultimate Mary-Sue made me want to kill something. I mean, we knew it was coming, but I don't need to hear about how dazzling you are, Bella. It's also way lame that Bella is so superspecial that her superpsecial power is one that cancels out (virtually) every other vampire's skill, except for Alice, Jasper and Captain Planet's. The Volturi is the biggest failure of an evil organization in the world, because despite their presence as OMG SO SCARY in New Moon and Breaking Dawn, both times they basically give the Cullens a Stern Talking To, which is, you know, the height of awesome climax.

I don't even know, I was going to write a coherent, well-structured review of the many ways Breaking Dawn sucks at life, but now I find I cannot even bring myself to do that. It's not even like I'm disappointed -- I was glad the spoilers were real because they were too hilarious to be fake, and I certainly didn't expect a good book -- I'm just, I don't know, mind-blown that even Meyer could crank out something like this.
Also, bitch needs to stop trying to be JKR. Two movies? An encyclopedia? Stfu.

I also think it's interesting that from what I gather, mostly everyone who read the spoilers absolutely hated the novel; a good number of people who went into it blind liked it and thought it was a... good surprise, or something. Hmm.

This'll probably be my last post about Twilight for the foreseeable future, so I'll also add that I went to the release party on Friday with Sindie for... I don't know, entertainment? She didn't end up buying the book, either, so we were basically loitering or something. Awesome. Anyway, Chapters somehow (he doesn't even work there) roped Will into being Jacob -- which is hilarious, because he does not resemble Jacob in any way -- and he was working at the refreshments table where they had two bowls of punch (the "Edward" and the "Jacob") so Sindie and I just kind of loitered around there and talked to him for most of the night.

A couple girls asked to take a picture with him, which I found hilarious, and I guess one mom came over and asked Will and the Edward if they'd take a picture with her daughter because omg it's her birthday and it would mean so much to her omg!!! because I guess getting pictures with random Chapters employees is way up on this girl's list of life goals. However by far the best was the girl who refused to be served by Jacob. It was like this:

Will: Kali, can you serve her? She refuses to be served by Jacob.
Me: omfg rly. *laughs* SO I GUESS YOU WANT THE "EDWARD" THEN?
Girl: Emmett!
Will (who, for the record, knows absolutely nothing about Twilight): Emmett sucks.
Girl: OMFG *rips Will's "Jacob" nametag out of his jacket pocket*
Will/Kali/Everyone: ......
Kali: ..........BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
Girl: *suddenly realizes she just acted like a fucking psycho and has the deceny to be completely mortified* Oh my god, sorry, I don't know why I did that. *hands back nametag*
Will: ...Er.
Kali: hahahahahahaha

The theme of the Chapters party was "masquerade". I happen to be wearign a dress for the sole reason that I got it the day before and wanted to try it out, lirl.