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thirty2flavorsTwo years ago, I saw Tales for the L337: Romeo and Juliet and found it to be incredibly amusing. As far as I can recall, my friend and I were joking about doing a similar thing, and being the bizarre girl that I am, I followed through with it.
It is probably the most unusual thing I have ever written, and that is saying something, but I thought it was fun, and some of you might enjoy it, so here you go:
|-|4|^|^y P0++3|^
[The L337 Version]
Chapter 1 - hariz in da hood
Harry: wtf itz mi bday n no 1 luvs me
Vernon: haha fux0r wtf da fone iz ringing no1 callz me bcuz i sck hell
ron: WTF PUT HARI ON U BASTRD
Vernon: WTF WHO R U
Ron: IM HIZ PIMP NOW PUT IM ON OR ILL PWN U
Vernon: WTF
Ron: NOW!!!!!!!!!!1!!
Harry: WTF RON U IDOIT STFU
Ron: WHAT?!?!?!?!??!?????????????1//1/1/
Harry: WTF DA NEBORS CAN HERE U BASTRD
Ron: WHA??????????
Vernon: WTF *hangsup* HARI IS GUNA BEET U
Harry: NOOO!O!!O@o!O!O!O!
Vernon: k
Harry: hey i got a letr on my bday ppl luv me i am sooooo gr8
Vernon: STFU IN THERE!!!1!
Harry: k
Letter: get ur rentz to sign dis so u can kum w/ us 2 da hood k
Harry: shit!!!1!! hey can u sign dis
Vernon: wtf no
Harry: f u
-end chapter one-
Chapter 2 - ant marg getz her fata$$ blownup hahahahahahahah
TV: if u see diz guy hez a convict k
Dursleys: :| k
Petnuia: fuk wut if he killz me :|
Vernon: dun wory i will rape him if he kumz
Petunia: .........
Dudley: can i rape him 2 daddy plzzzz
Vernon: :| k
Harry: WTF
Dursleys: STFU
Vernon: hey mi sis iz comin so u all beta be good
Petunia: wtf she eatz all our food :|
Vernon: fux0r@!11!1!11! she iz hoter dan u n beter in bed
Petunia: WTF!
Vernon: hahahahahahah
Dudley: ew stfu bastds!
Petunia: k
Vernon: so hari u need 2 kiz her ass k btw i told her u were sterile
Harry: WTF Y
Vernon: idunno
Harry: o
Vernon: so act all sterile k
Harry: k ill act like u
Dudley: snap!1!!1!!
Vernon: STFU!
Harry: hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Petunia: rofl
Vernon: u fux0rs!!1!!
Harry: so if i act steril will u sign dis
Vernon: wtf u want mi atograf
Harry: d00d no itz a permizon ting so i can go 2 da hood
Vernon: uh k.
Marge: HEY FUX0RS!!
Everyone except Vernon: ugh
Vernon: YAY!!!!!!!)!)10101010104yrhfbv
everyone: .........
Vernon: um k so diz is hari hez steril
Marge: hahahahahahahhahahahaahahhah mi husband was steril hahahahahahahahah wait ....im not maried hahahahhahahahahahahha
Harry: um k
Marge: so ur steril just like ur dad
Harry: WTF if mi dad wuz steril he wudnt b mi dad
Marge: WTF DNT TALK 2 ME LIK DAT!!!!!12!1!!
Harry: F U!!!!! BOOM
marge: WTF *explode*
Vernon: fux0r!!1!!
Petunia: OMFG
Harry: um k bai
-End of Chapter Two-
Chapter 3 - da um car thing
Harry: hey itz a big dog
Dog: wtf im not a dog im ur godfather
Harry: um k im gona ignore dat boom
Train: poof
Harry: wtf u almost kiled me
Train: WTF u caled me
Harry: nuuh
train: yuuh
Harry: nuuh!
Train: yuuh!
Harry: NUUH!
Train: yuuh timz infinety
Harry: f u
Train: hahahahahahaha k so were 2
Harry: um london plz
Train: k
Paper: wtf blck got out of abkanzan
Harry: wutz abaznekan
train: wtf r u stopid? itz like ... prizon
Harry: o
Paper: yah hez dangerus so ya
train: ya hez a bitch watch out 4 dat one
Harry: wtf he looks ugly
Train: Um... ya.... y u checkin out guyz boi
Harry: i wuznt but wtf his hair iz f'in long
train:........
Harry: ...........
Train: .... k so we're @ london leeve now
harry: k bai
Fudge: hi hary
Harry: uh hi u gona expel me
Fudge: um no
Harry: y not
Fudge: bcuz ur hot
Harry: .....
Fudge: um ya k bai
Harry: bai
-end of chapter 3-
Chapter 4 - da bar y0
Firebolt: u no u wanna buy me
Harry: ya i do
Firebolt: but dunt cuz it ruinz the plot 4 lata
Harry: um k can u get me bokz
Guy: uh k
Book: hey lokit me i have a bgi dog un me be afrid
Harry: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH k by
Hermione: wtf hary where u been dawg
Harry: in da hood yo
Ron: ........... k.
Cat: hahahahahhahaa im gona molest ron
Ron: WTF
Hermione: ahahahahhah im buying it
Ron: WTF
Crookshanks: ^~
Arthur: hahahahahah serius is tryina kil harry
Molly: WTF u bastrd!!!
Harry: wtf im right here
-End of Chapter 4-
Chapter 5: retard0r
Ron: ginny f off
Ginny: :| bstrd
Hermione: haha
Guy: zzzzzzzzzzzzz
Ron: wtf who iz he
Hermione: profezur lupin
ron: WTF y do u no evrything
Hermione: hez wering a nametag u stoopidazz
ron: o
Harry: um ya so dat black dude is after me
Hermione: WTF racist!!!1!!!!
ron: wtf hermyowny hiz last names black
Hermione: o
Stewardess: penutz geeeetchur penuts
Hermione: hahahahaha harry duznt have ne penuts
Harry: :| wtf
Hermione: hahahah
Ron: u fux0r stfu
Harry: um k u shud we wake up da radnom d00d
Hermione: uh k
Ron: what if hez ded
Hermione: wtf y wud he be ded
Ron: lookit him!1!!
Hermione: ........
Ron: ......
Harry:um k so...
Train: hahhahahaha shake shake shake
Everyone: WTF
Hermione: WTF RON DAT WUZ MI ASS
Ginny: wtf y am i here agan
Ron: idunno
Harry: ...patpat
Remus: shut up!1!!
Ron: wtf who wuz dat
Remus: dunt say da fuck wurd!1111!
Everyone: WTF
Remus: uh k brb
Harry: wtf y do i feel like im havin a heratak
Everyone: stfu ur ruinin da dramatic moment
harry: k
everonye: omfg!!!! harry r u ded//??
harry: no
Remus: hahaha good dat wud be a bad way 2 start off mi job
Everyone: ...
Remus: uh ya herez some candy
Harry:... kthnxbai
Hermione: wut wuz dat
Evryone: OMFG HERMIONE DOEZNT NO SOMTING!!!111
Hermione: stfu
Remus: it was a retard0r
everyone: wut
Remus: retard0r
everyone: wut
remus: wtf u all suk balz um brb
Harry: so wtf juzt hapend
Ron: u liek dyed
Hermione: den lopean was like "wtf go awy u bastrd" 2 da retard0r an it wuz like "no!11!" and ten he wuz like "ya!!!!" and it wuz lik "nooo!!!" and he sed "yez!1!!" and ten it wuz like "no!!" and he wuz like--
Ron: STFU!
hermione: ... k
Ron: so den he did a spel an it left and shiznit
malfoy: hahahahaahahhahahaha u suk u fell ova hahaahahahhahaahh
Remus: wtf leve or ill beet u
Malfoy: wtf ur clothz are ugly
Remus: :| f u
Malfoy: k bai
Dumbledore: um k so retard0rz r stalking us n um ya herez ur new techer
Remus: um hi
everyone: wtf u suck
remus: f u all
Snape: i want all of ur balz 2 die
Remus: wtf ..
Snape: hahahahahaahahah
Everyone: .........
Snape: um ya it was... flitwick
Everyone: f u flitwicK
flitwick: WTF
-End of chapter Five-
Chapter six - tee leves
Trelawney: i look liek a bug
Harry: hahahaha
Trelawney: u r gonna die omfg.
Harry: wtf
Trelawney: yeh it sez so in ur tee leves
Harry: omg im scured
hermione: wtf we rnt even loking @ tee lves
Trelawney: stfu!!!!
Parvati: omfg ur mi idol
Trelawney: hahahhaa sucker
Pravati: wut
Trelawney: i meen um good choize
Harry: wtf i saw a dog
Ron: OMFG!!1!!!
hermione: so wut i have a dog wtf
Ron: OMGGGGGGGG
Hermione: ron stfu
Ron: OMG
Hermione: STFU
Ron: OMG
Harry: WTF
Hagrid: um hey so dun poke the higorifz k
Everyone: k
Malfoy: hahahahaha apoke
Hipogriff: FUX)R!!!!!!
Malfoy: WTF IT ATAKED ME
Hermione: WTF R U BRANEDED
Malfoy: OMFG IM DYING
Ron: wtf it dint even brek the skin
Hagrid: OMG Im guna kill mizlef. heey WTF R U DUIN HERE BLACK IS GUNA LYK KILL U HARRY WTF
Harry: wtf
-End of Chapter Six-
Chatper Seven - hahahahahahahaaaaa snape in drag hahahahaahah
Ron: haha malfoyz hurt
Malfoy: PROFEZUR HEZ PIKIN ON ME
Snape: wtf, ron stop bein a bich n giv him ur pantiez
Ron: WTF but i just wached them
Snape: haha
Malfoy: haha i get ur pantiez
Ron: fux0r!!!!
Malfoy: u no if black betraid mi parentz n got em kiled i wud be pizzed
Harry: wut r u talkin bout
Malfoy: black betrid ur parentz
Harry: wut
Malfoy: black betrid ur parentz
Harry: wut
Malfoy: black betrid ur parentz
Harry: wut
Malfoy: black betrid... o f u
Harry: um k
Remus: um hey take out ur wandz
Ron: im getin dirti thotz
everyone: ....
Remus: um... right.... so... ....ok that wuz just wrong
Peeves; hahahaha we r da hornetz da horny horny hornetz
Remus: hahahah boom
Peeves: WTF WERE DID MI CLOTHZ GO
Everyone: AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
Peeves: F U!
Dean: hahaa dat wuz collies
Remus: ya... itz very handi 2 rape ppl
Everyone: ................
Remus: ....... snape tot me
Everyone: o well dat explanez it
Remus: um ya so thiz ting will juzt turn into wuteva ur afrade of
Hermione: OMG iz it a bogart?
Remus: no. u r stoopid.
Hermione: omfg im gona kill myself
Remus: wtf i wuz kiden ur right
Hermione: omg i luv u
Remus: ...................so neway just go boom and it wil implode
Class: k
RemuS: haha nevil u first
Neville: wtf y
Remus: bcuz u suk
Neville: o ok
Boggart: hahahaha i m snape
Everyone: HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
Neville: OMFG IM GONA PIZZ MISELF
Remus: um ya k so boom
Neville: BAM! BOM! BOMM! BBOM!
REmus: WTF R U STUPID BOOM
Boggart: hahahaahah i m snape in drag
Everoyne: HAHAHAHA BOOM
Boggart: wtf im confused POOF
Harry: WTF I DIDNT GET A TRI I H8 U LUPEN
Remus: um...... k. ur mom wuz hot
Harry: u r forgiven
-End of Chapter Seven-
-Chapter 8 - ummm sireus duz shit an stuf
Hermione and ron: hahahahahah we git 2 go 2 da ho0d n u dunt
Harry: wtf u fux0rz um k ill go slep w/ lopen
Hermione and Ron: um k bi
Remus: um hi i duno y ur hear bt k wnt sme tee
Harry: um.............k. so... y didnt i get 2 fite da retard0r fux0r
Remus: cuz i h8 u
Harry: oh k
Snape: hahahaha fux0r hear drink thz antiwearwulf sh1t u wearwolf
Remus: k
Harry: WTF hez posonin u
Remus: .........no
Harry: WTF YEZ
Remus: .... kthnxbai
Hermione and Ron: OMFG we had suuuuu much fun w/o u!!!!! omg!!!!
Harry: f u :|
Hermione: hahahahah
Ron: so wut did u do
Harry: um snap iz posnin lopan
Hermione and Ron: OMFG!!!!
Hermione: um letz go eet
Everyone: k
Remus: hahahahah helo flitwik
Flitwich: hahaha asl
Harry: OMFG! HE MUZT B POSONED
Snape: hahaha wtf i hate the ntire staff hahahah
Harry: OMFG!
Peeves: haha da fat ladi got atacked shez fat hahahahahah
Dumbledore: :|... wtf
Peeves: IT WUZ SERIUS BLECK
Everyone: OMFG!!!1!1!! 1one
-End of Chapter 8-
Chpater 9- kliford da big red dawg hawhahahahaah
Dumbledore: wtf um ur all slepin in da gr8 hall
Students: WTF y
Dumbledore: iunno it makez me sund smrt
Students: o k
Staff: omg hez not hear!!1!!1!1!
Remus: hahah datz cuz i hid him in mi pantz
Everyone: WTF
Remus: .......................um...... jk.
Everyone but Snape: o k
Snape: WTF R U AL STOPID
Everyone: ya
Cadogan: avast ye landluberz, many a day have i been pon the seez
Everyone: f u
Cadogan: k
Snape: o, k um hahahhahahahaha im techin u al
Everyone: WTF
Harry: Y
Snape: cuz............and.......thats y. i hold u indirectly responsible
Harry: wtf
Snape: so... i dunno wut uv all dun bcuz lupen suckz as!!!! hahaahahahha assuker
Hermione: .... um... k... weve don lik...gryinaldoz an shiznit
Snape: STFU i wuz buzy disin him jeez u ruined mi moment
Hermione: wtf
Snape: ahhahahahaahahahah 26547358 pointz frum gryfindor so um.... nebodi no wut a wearwul is
Hermione: OMG! ME! ME! ME!!!!!!!111o1o1o1o1n!On1on!On!o1e
Snape:.... n e 1...
Hermione: WTF
Snape: haha u suk
Hermione: ITZ LIK... um... lopen.
Snape: WTF stfu u noital
Hermione: omg
Ron: wtf she anzerd ur q
Snape: F U!!!!! detention
harry: i hav 2 ply quibitch in da rain boohoo
Ron: f u i hav 2 clen bedpanz
Hermione: hahahahahahahaha u fux0rz
Harry: f u
Retard0rs: haha
Lily: OMG!!! NO!OOO!O!O!O!O!O!!!O!!-1!/1!)$_!%&09!
Harry: WTF fall
Dumbledore: SHIT
Cedric: hahahaha u fux0r i got da snitch
Harry: OMFG im guna kil miself
Ron: um ur bruum dyed
Harry: shit!!!21
-End of CHapter 9-
Chapter 10 - im da map im da map im da map im da map im da MAP
harry: wtf y r u stalkin me
Dog: um....idunno. it makez it dramtic
Harry: oh k
Class: OMG snap gave uz homwurk nd sh1t
Remus: hahahaha
Class: wtf y r u thiner
Remus: .... um......anorexia
Class: o k
Harry: mi broom died bohoooooo
Remus: haha
Harry: um so kan u teech me 2 kil retard0rz
Remus: no
Harry: plz
Remus: no
Harry: plz
Remus: no
Harry: PLZ?!
Remus: NO
Harry: PLZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Remus: omfg u tard k
Harry: haha i win
Hermione and Ron: wtf we hav 2 stay w/ u @ xmas shit!1!
Harry: haha
Hermione and Ron: but we r guna leeve u 4 da h00d
Harry: fux0r!1!
Fred and George: haha
Harry: wtf
Fred: um ya herz a map
George: just boom n itll show shit
Harry: um kthnxbai.... boom
Map: haha were mony wurmtale padfut and prongz in da HOUZE y0
Harry: wtf..
Map: so ya juzt go out da back d00r
Harry: um k. wtf im in da hood
Hermione: WTF R U DUIN HERE GO AWAY
Ron: ya!!1 u bastrd!!!
Sign: haha siruz is 2 smrt 4 us so ur all on ur own
Hermione: OMG hary
Harry: f u
McGonagall: i needa go get drunk u comin
MostofstaffminusDumbledoreSnapeandRemus: k
McGonagall: omfg wudnt it suk if siriuz got harry
Everyone: OMG ya!!!!
Rosmerta: omfg i cant beleve hez evil. he slept w/ me
Everyone: ............ .... k.
Mcgonagal: u no hiz peepz
Rosmerta: ya!!! DUUHHH. u men jamze
Fudge: duuuh.
Rosmerta: god i think they were gay w/ ech other
Everyone: ..........
Flitwick: wtf jamez wuz maried d00d
Rosmerta: ...
Everyone: ....
McGonagall: ... 2 a girl
Rosmerta: o
Fudge: um ya so suckz how black kiled dem
Hagrid: WTF?
Fudge: ya they wuz like 'omg ewre guna hide over here dun tell people k sirius" and he wuz like 'k hey voldie dere over dere' and den he-whoz-name-iz-long wus like "wtf um k"
Hagird: OMG i saw siriuz!!! wen dey died n i got hary he was like 'um wtf im his guardian now' and i waz lik 'nuuh' and he wuz like 'yuuh' and i was like 'stfu or ill eat you' and he was like 'wtf very1 h8s me now im guna go kil peter insted of teling remuz nd everyun else'
McGonagall: datz deep y0
Hagrid: i no
Staff: letz leeve kthnxbai
Romserta: haha bi
Hermione and Ron: OMFG
Harry: wtf blafck iz a bastrd
-End of Chapter 10-
Chapter 11 - fieurbult
Harry: wtf in thiz pic siruz is hot
Neville: DUDE WTF STOP CHEKIN OUT GUYZ
Harry: hay i juzt relized malyof knowz bout blck y didnt he tel me
Hagrid: OMG LOOK @ DIZ SHIZNIT
Letter: um were guna kil ur bird cuz lucy told uz to k by
Hagrid: OMGGGGGGGG :(
Draco: haha
Everyone: STFU
Hagrid: omg i remebr bein in akzanben it suked
Harry: haha ya
Everyone: wtf harry u dunt no
Harry: o ya k by
Ron: haha we get shit cuz its xmas WTF ANUTHER SWETER F U MOM!!!!
Molly (somewhere): hahahah
Hermione: um i didn get ne thin
Harry: OMFG I GUT A FIREBOLT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ron: k stop now
Hermione: FRUM WHO?!!?!?!?!
Harry: idunno
Ron: DUMBLEDORF
Harry: WTF no
Ron: um..........................ur lover...wassisname...........
Harry: ... wtf f u
Hermione: hahaha
Ron: LOPPAN
Harry: wtf he needz hiz mony to by lik.... food
Hermione: wtf he getz fod for free here
Harry: ... f u
Hermione: OMFG IT MUZT BE FRUM SIRIUS BACK
Harry and Ron: WTF
Hermione: OMG ITZ CURZED PROLY
Harry and Ron: F U!
Sneakoscope: omg scaberz is da one who betra--
Harry: STFU
Dumbledore: cum sit w/ uz becuz we hav no friendz
Snape: :| wtf no
Dumbledore: stfu snap
Snape: ...
Dumbledore: neway CUM SIT
Harry Ron and Hermione: ... k
Trelawney: omfg if i sit ur all guna loze ur ballz
McGonagal: ... sit.
Trelawney: o ya i dun hvae ballz hahaha sux 2 b u
Snape: stfu
Trelawney: k..... hey where te fuk is lupin?
Kali: WHAT THE HELL why doesn't anyone besides Sirius and Peter call him by his first name?
Everyone: STFU!
Kali: fuckers
Dumbledore: hez a werewol... i meen............ he haz herpez
Snape: i hav herpez
Everyone: ....
Snape: ............ not frum him
Everyone: .......
Snape: i meen... i dunt have herpes.
Everyone: o k
Ron and Harry: kthnxbai now
Trelawney: OMG UR BALLZ!! THEIR GUNA DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE
Ron:.... yep.
Harry: ... bai.
Hermione: im guna stay so i kan get mcgonugal 2 confinskate ur broom
Harry: o ok by
McGonagal: im takin dat
Harry: F U!!!! F U HERMYONE!!!! F U ALLLLLLLLLL! I WANT ALL OF UR BALZ 2 DIE!
McGonagal: ...2 late.
Harry: f u
-End of Chapter 11-
Chapter 12 - heheheheheeh swirly thing
Harry: so ya make me smrt
Remus: hahahaha u cant do the impozible hahahahah
Harry: F U!
Remus: haha... um... ya. see u l8
Ron: wtf hez alwayz sick wutz rong
Harry: hez anoreic remembr
Ron: o ya
Hermione: wtf hez a werwulf u idiotz
Ron: WTF u r stopid f u
Hermione: baztrd!!!
Harry: um k... so........... yah
Remus: um... hi. were uzing this thing
Harry: WTF
Remus: wtf u kant handle a reel retard0r ne way
Harry:..... tru
Remus: think of sumthin happy and boom
Harry: k
Boggart: hahaha i vant to suk ur soul
Harry: OMFGGGGG
Remus: ur an idot
Harry: um.. BOOm.
Retard0r: u suk
Harry: OMG
Lily: WTF LEVE ME ALONE U BSTRD!!!!
Voldemort: um.. no.
Lily: OMG
Harry: AHHHHH
Remus: ... boom.
Retard0r: fuck poof
Harry: OMFG
Remus: haha try again
Harry: k
Retad0r: boo
James: SHIT!!! F U PETER! LILE GO ... RUN aw fuck
Voldemort: BOOM
James: poof
Lily: OMFG
Harry: AHHHHH B... B... BO...BOB....BOO..
Remus: u realy do suk. BOOM.
Harry: omofg i herd mi dad
Remus: U HERD JAMEZ?
Harry: no.
RemuS: wtf?
Harry: haha jk yea
Remus: er... o.
Harry: y U DIDNT POZIBLY NO HIM DID U?!?! ther iz no pozible way
Remus: ...um... atually i did.
Harry: OMG.
Remus: .... ur strnge. so try agn
Harry: BOOM!
Retard0r: F U!!
Harry: haha it wurked
Remus: .... kinda. eat thiz.
Harry: k....... hey if u new mi dad u must no siriuz blck
Remus: WTF R U IMPLYIN I NEVER SLEPT W/ SIRIUZ
Harry: um........ i didnt say that
Remus: ....o. ..........yez. i new hm. er...well... i thot i did. maybe dat was peter... no, i definatly new him.
Harry: wtf r u like.. amneisic
Remus: ...............yes. and anorexic. no more queztionz. leav now.
Harry: kthnxbi
McGonagal: u can hav ur broom back
Harry: OMG YAY
Hermione: uh ya sory
Harry: ha
Ron: OMFG HERMION I h8 U UR KAT KILLED SCABERZ
Hermione: WTF
Harry: FUX0R!
-End of Chapter 12-
updated july 2004- chapter 13 -
Ron: i still h8 u
Hermione: nuuh i h8 u teh mozt
Harry: omfg u both suk da big 1
Ron: actualie itz verruh small
Harry/Hermione: ...
Ron: ....
Everyone!: ...
Ron: k
Oliver Wood: harie if we dont win 2nite im going to bust a cap in y0 white honky ass k??!!
Harry: um k
Cho Chang: hi asl
Harry: !!!!!!!
Cho: ...
Harry: !!!!
Cho: ...
Harry: boing
Cho: um .... k. good luk!!
Harry: ...BOING
Cho: ...
Dementors: ahboogieboogieboo
Harry: WTF OH NO U DIINT!!!! BOOM
Malfoy/Entire Gang of Random Slytherins: OMG NO WE R JUST SLYHERINS K DONT KILL MEEE Y GOD Y
Harry: ........k i cot da snitch
Oliver Wood/Entire Gryffindor Quidditch Team: OOMG WE PWN U!!!
Cho/Ravenclaw Team: ...
Wood: u just mad, cuz tonite, u sukas got SERVED!
Entire Gryffindor Quidditch Team and The Rest Of The Fucking School: SERVED! SERVED! SERVED!
Cho: ... f u
Harry: dam. ......o WELL I MAID ONE OF THOZE PATRONUS THINGS!!!!!! IM A BIG KID NOW
Remus: thatz cuz it wuz just malfoy
Harry: stfu dont u rane on mi parade
Remus: k
Gryffindor: WE GONNA PARTAY LIKE ITS 1999 WHICH IS ACTUALLY IN THE FUTURE BECAUSE THIS TAKES PLACE IN 93!!!!
Ron: i STILL h8 u, herpes... hermes... ...wuteva ur name is
Hermione: OMGWTFSOBCRIE
Harry: ur a baztard
Ron: k
Harry: lol
Ron: FOMG FOMGOMEOGMEOGMEOGMEOGMOEGMOGM
Everyone: WUT
Ron: FIEMGOEJGIOEJTOIETJOIWEJROIWJEOT
Everyone: ...
Ron: OMG serius bleck TOTALIE just tried 2 kill u but he ataked me instead omg
Everyone: WTF
McGonagall: U!!! NITE GUY!! did u let some1 in?
Sir Cadogan: ya. he had da p-word k.
McGongall: WTF
Neville: um. ......opsies.
Everyone Ever: u r so totalie this generation's peter. ...... i meen. look! a distraction!
-end of chapter 13-
Chapter 14 - snape h8s u
Ron: mayb we shud tell ppl about ur map
Harry: wtf no
Ron: o ok
Hagrid: kum fornik8 2nite k DONT GO ALONE OR ULL GET RAPED
Harry and Ron: k
Hagrid: omfg, da trial 4 bukbeek is soon, k. ...and ur frend, hermyiaetaetiaeot, shez like, depressed, k
Ron: omg y?
Hagrid: bcuz u h8 her
Ron: ...o.
Harry: k
Hermione: omg harree, if u uze that map agen, i m tellin on u!!!!
Harry and Ron: WTF
Hermione: hahahahahahahah
Harry: k ill use it n e way
Ron: oh k ............so im goin 2 da h00d
Harry: k bye
Neville: omg u kant go either!!!! omg k can we--
Harry: no
Snape: omg wut r u 2 doin?!?!?!?!?!!!!!
Harry: nutin
Snape: }:>|
Harry: um k
Neville: OMG run away!!!!
Harry: ..........k. i m going 2 da h00d secretly in secret
Ron: were are u!?!
Harry: if i wuz invizible, i kuld just rape u in ur room
Ron: wut
Harry: um.....nutin. k
Ron: look itz da shreekin shak. its haunted, k. dont go dere. da gosts will eat ur babiez
Harry: NOOO mi babiez
Malfoy: hahaha ron ur poor
Ron: OMG
Harry: o no u diint!!!
Malfoy: OMG WTF WERE IS DIZ SHIT COMING FRUM
Harry: ...run away!!!
Snape: POTER!!! WERE DA FUK HAV U BEEN
Harry: um. sleepin w/ neville.... i meen. sleepin.
Snape: take off ur pantz
Harry: wtf no
Snape: k then open ur poketz
Harry: ......k.
Snape: OMG a blank peice of paper i am teh suspiciousz0r
Harry: its just pa--
Snape: STFU. open, map!!
Map: no
Snape: OMGWTFU
Harry: hahaha
Snape: BUT I M PROF. SNAPE. DO IIITTTTT
Moony: ur fat
Wormtail: hahahahahah u fag
Padfoot: hahahahahahHAHA ur nose is big
Prongs: ....bigger dan ur penis!! HAHAHAHAHHAHA
Map: AHAHHAHAHA
Snape: OMFGGGGG ima bust a cap!!!!
Harry: wtf
Snape: OMFG. LOPEN GET UR ASS HERE NOW K
Remus: k. wut?
Snape: OMG look @ dis shiznit
Remus: hahaha it called u a fag. ....i meen. .......wut.
Snape: ITZ PROBABLIEE DARK ARTS EH
Remus: no. but im gona keep it.
Snape: OMG did u give it 2 him?
Remus: ............................................no.
Snape: k
Ron: lol hi i gave harie dat shit itz from da h00d
Remus: c there u go BYE SNAPE
Snape: f u all im going to go wank off
Remus: hahahaha emofag. .......OMG harie WTF is wrong wit u, usin diz map w/ siruz black n all
Harry: WTF HOW DO U NO ITS A MAP
Remus: bcuz i made it!! i meen. ...... BCUZ. STFU SINDERBLOCK. ...................ur parents died 4 u, u no
Harry: i no
Ron: hahaha wut lozerz. ... i meen. ....
Harry: ...
Remus: it wuld suk if u died bcuz ur stupid
Harry: kthnxbai
Remus: fag
Hermione: OMGOMGOMGOMGOGMOGMOGM
Harry/Ron: wtf u biznath
Hermione: BUK BEEEK IZ DYIN
Harry/Ron: OMGOMGOMGOMGOGMOGMOGM
-end of chapter 14-
Chapter 15 - omg mor quiditch
Trelawney: u in da jungle, babie, u gonna DIEEEEEEEEEE
Harry: um, k
Hermione: omg ur a fag kthnxbai
Crookshanks and Grim: y0
Harry: OMG RON LOOK
Ron: zzzzzzz
Harry: wtfu
Oliver Wood: omg we kan win da kup k
Harry: OMG i hav a kup on
Everyone: ...
Harry: how strait u wan it
Oliver: u no how i like it babe. strait H00D
Harry: wtf um k
Lee Jordan: FOMG gryfind0r is nailing yo azz, boiz
Slytherin: STFU
Entire Gryffindor Quidditch Team: WEEEEEE R DA CHAPMIONS, MI FREEENDZ ...
Everyone: k
Readers: iz that all that happens in dat chapta
Rowling: ya
Readers: wtf
Rowling: hahahahahahha
-End of Chapter 15-
Chapter 16 - omgg um stuff
Percy: OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOGMOGMGOMG NEWTS OMGOMGOMGOGMOGMG
Everyone: STFU
Percy: k
Trelawney: y0 sup
Harry: um i c a hipogrif
Trelawney: DIEING?!?!?!!
Harry: no
Trelawney: WTF
Harry: its flying
Trelawney: u fail @ lyf
Harry: k
Trelawney: ............................the power of christ compelz u!!
Harry: lol wut
Trelawney: OMGGOMGOMG k da dark lords homies r gona kum back 2nite n trie 2 kill u
Harry: OMG u mean serius black
Trelawney: no skabers
Harry: wtf
Trelawney: seven daaaaaaaaaays
Harry: WTF
Trelawney: k
Harry: um k im gona 4get this eva happened
Trelawney: k
Hermione: OMGOMGOMG bukbeek is gonna die
Harry/Ron/Hermione: we must go c dis shit y0
Hagrid: WTF i told u 2 not cum
Harry: n case u neva noticed, we dun listen to u peepz
Hermione: its cuz we r so totalie rebelius
Hagrid: o ok
Hermione: OMG ITS SKABERZ
Ron: OMG MI LUVR... i meen...............wot
Scabbers: of course im not peter petigrew. .......i meen. .........wut.
Everyone: k
Hagrid: this iz mi house, this IZ my house....wont u GET DA FUCK OUTA MI HOUSE?!!!?!
Harry/Ron/Hermione: k
Macnair: i kiled u bukbeek
Bukbeek: k
Hermione/Harry: OMG
Ron: SKABERZZZZZZZ
-end of chpater 16-
Chapter 17 - threesom!!!!!
Ron: OMG skaberz
Everyone: stfu
Crookshanks: BOO
Scabbers: AHHHHHHHHHHHH
Crookshanks: hahahahaha mi name sounds like skanks
Ron: OMG NO MI RAT i will chase u!!!
Harry/Hermione: wtf
Dog: y0 i will ilogikally freeze da wompin will0w k
Crookshanks: me 2
Harry/Hermione: k we wont question dat
Dog/Crookshanks: k
Harry: OMG were da fuk r we
Ron: OMGOMOGMGOMGOMGOGM ITS SERIUZ BLACK
Harry: WUT WERE
Ron: RITE DERE
Sirius: hahahahaha y0 sup
Harry: OMG IM GONA HAMMER UR FANNY
Sirius: i will now referense ur father 2 piss u off k
Harry: k. ......OMG im still gonna pwn u
Sirius: k
Hermione: um black is like, 3436536 times ur size, harie
Harry: STFU LOGICFACE!!!! ... IM GUNNA PWN U!! U TOTALIE KILLED MI PARENTZ
Sirius: i didnt but i m going 2 act like i did 4 da sake of da plot k
Everyone: k
Harry: hahahahaha i m pwning u
Sirius: haha even tho ur mi godson i RELLY want 2 kill dat rat so i wil strangle u now k
Harry: OMG i m going 2 kill u somehow despite being 13 k
Sirius: omg. ........k.
Harry: U KILED MI PARENTZ :|
Hermione: weve been thro this
Harry: STFU! ... hello. mi name is harry poter. u killed mi father. prepare to dye
Sirius: k
Remus: y0
Sirius: OMG
Remus: OMG
Sirius/Remus: <3333
Everyone: WTF!!!
Sirius: ...........
Remus: ....
Sirius: look. a distraction!!!
Everyone: OMG where?!?!
Hermione: OMGOMGOMGOGMOGMOGMG!!! I KANT BELEIVE ITS NOT BUTTER n dat i didnt tell on u u FAG
Remus: her--
Hermione: MOMGEOMEGOMEGOMEGOME
Remus: her--
Hermione: KOGEMOGMEOG
Remus: ...
Hermione: OMGOM...
Remus: STFU
Hermione: OMG F U HALFBREED
Everyone: !!!!
Sirius: o no u diint
Hermione: HE IZ A WEREWULF
Harry/Ron: OMG I NEVER WULDA GUESED
Remus: well ur stupid.
Harry: k so WTF
Remus: well i wuz in my office watchin pr0n when da mpa was like Y0 its peter and i was like WTF and it was like ya and I was like OMG and then i was like WTF and i LOLed bcuz it reminded me of mi fav. webcomic, OMGWTFLOL
Everyone: ...
Remus: skaberz = peter
Everyone: OOOooOoOo......... NO!!!
Remus/Sirius: ya
Everyone: NO
Remus/Sirus: ...um. ...ya.
Everyone: NO!!
Sirius/Remus: ya!
Everyone: oh, k
-end of chapter 17-
Chapter 18 - um thoze ppl
Everyone Ever Except Remus and Sirius: wtf u suk
Sirius: f this im goin homocidal
Ron: hahaha u said homo
Remus: wtf no we hav 2 explain
Sirius: dats for l0zers
Remus: f u
Hermione: um ..........WTF?!
Harry and Ron: ya that
Remus: so ya pete = skaberZ
Hermione: um no
Remus: ya.
Hermione: but i didnt reed abut him!!!!
Remus: ...........
Hermione: I KANT B TRU IF I DINT REED IT!!!!!
Remus: ...
Hermione: stfu
Door: i m opening
Everyone: OMG letz 4get about it now
Remus: ............k well peter, serius and jamz were all animagi k
Hermione/Harry/Ron: OMG
Remus: k. we had like.......orgies. n stuff.
Hermione: ew beastialitie
Sirius: STFU
Remus: k so. we wer all in da crib k lyk homiez n stuff. it wuz ilegal but i didnt tell n e 1
Everyone Ever: y not
Remus: .........bcuz........................nd.....................thats y
Everyone:...
Remus: i hold U indirectly responzible. ...........dont do it again
Everyone: k
Remus: so ya stuf hapened k n snape was all--
Sirius: WTF SNAPE
Remus: ya
Sirius: i h8 dat crazy fuk
Remus: hahahahaha u almost kiled him 1nce. ............using me. wait. wtf. baztard
Sirius: hahahaaha i mean wut
Hermione: OMG so like, snape h8s u becuz he thinks U wanted to kill him, but it wasnt U it was SEIRUS?
Remus: ya sure
Snape: ya just lyk dat
Everyone: OMG
Chapter 19 - voldiez bitch
Snape: omgomgomgomgomgomgogmogm hahahahaha i win black im gonna nail ur ass
Remus: but...it wuz pet--
Snape: STFU CINDERBLOCK!!!!!!
Sirius: OMG f u
Snape: stfu
Sirius: k
Hermione: um prof they wuz--
Snape: STFU
Hermione: k
Ron: ...
Snape: STFU
Ron: k
Harry: WTF um. ... f u.
Snape: STFU!!!!! i h8 u 4 som reason
Harry: wtfu BOOM
Hermione/Ron: BOOM
Snape: omg
Sirius: hahahahahahaha i win u loze u stuped fagg0t
Remus: um k. so k we kan prov it 2 u
Scabbers: i m peter. ... i meen. ....no.
Everyone: OMGG!!!!!!
Sirius: i told u so
Everyone: OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
Sirius: ...
Everyone: OMGOMGOGMOGMOGMOGMOGMGOMGOMGOMGOGMOGMOGMGOGMOGMOGMOGMOGMOMG k
Peter: um ...l00k! A DISTRACTION
Remus: STFU
Sirius: OMFG IM GONA HAMMER UR FAMILIE
Peter: UM.... but...it wuz seriues!!!
Everyone: no it wuznt
Peter: JA
Everyone: nuh
Peter: stfu... .... um... we r familie. ive got all my sistas w/ me
Remus/Sirius: i h8 u
Peter: dammit
Harry: ....u kiled my parntz
Peter: ya um. ....sorry bout that
Harry:WTF
Remus/Sirius: prepare 2 DIEEEEEEE
Peter: NOOOOOoooo
Remus: YESSSSSssss
Peter: NOOOOOooo
Sirius: YESSSSsss
Peter: damnit. hey u!!! gurl! HELP ME PLZ
Hermione: wtf no
Peter: RON?!?!?!11
Ron: ew wtf d00d u slept in mi bed...
Harry: ew ron u sleep w/ animalz?????
Ron: yes.... i meeen. .......................no.
Peter: HARIEEEE
Harry: f u i h8 u u kill my father preepair 2 die
Peter: um. .....................ur fatha woulda let me live......bcuz.....nd...thats y
Harry: o ok. ...dont kill him
Sirius: WTF i spent 12 yeers in jail bcuz of him
Harry: stfu
Sirius: k
Remus: letz take him up 2 da castle nd conviniently not think 2 do n e thin smart lyk stun him
Everyone: K!
-End of Chapter 19-
Chapter Twenty - i vaaant to suuuk ur blooooood/sole
Sirius: so...harie. ......um. wanna chill in mi crib
Harry: k
Sirius: sk0re
Harry: OMG no mor dursleys
Sirius: ...k.
Full Moon: y0
Remus: shit
Everyone: how did u mange 2 4get its a ful moon?
Remus: STFU
Everyone: k
Hermione: omg!!!! he iznt using PROTECTION!!!!!!!!!!!
Everyone: no shit
Hermione: f u
Werewolf: roar
Harry: OMG. i muzt b heroic nd get miself kiled
Sirius: um ...no.
Dog: roar
Werewolf: bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother
Dog: F U
Peter: f u all kthnxbai
Hermione: ....well we r stoopid
Harry: STFU. OMG!!!! SERUS!!!
Werewolf: i m going 2 leev 4 no reazin k
Dog: k so will i
Harry/Hermione: WTF
Ron: i m uncoscius
Harry: we shud follow serius 4 som reason
Hermione: k
Retard0rs: kissy kissy
Sirius: noooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooo
Harry: OMG. BoOm. BooM!~! HERMIOEN!!! DO SOMETHIN!
Hermione: k ill pass out
Sirius: ya me 2
Harry: F U!
Stag: y0
Retard0rs: AHHHH RUN AWAYYYY
Harry: OMG. DAD?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?1?!?!
Stag: no
Harry: DAD?!!!!!!!!
Stag: no
Harry: DAD!!!!!
Stag: wtf
Harry: k im gona pass out 2
Stag: kthnxbai
-End of Chapter 20-
Chapter 21 - back 2 da future
Fudge: OMFG itz about time wtf m8s
Severus: iiii m so gr8 iii m so gr8 every1 h8s me cuz iiii m so gr8
Harry: OMFG STFU FAG WERZ SERIUS
Fudge: kissy kissy
Harry: OMFG HE IZ INNOSENT
Severus: no he iznt stfu fag
Hermione: HE IZ
Harry: ...YA.
Everyone: stfu u tard
Harry: OMFG I M NOT
Everyone except Hermione: yes u r
Dumbledore: k, hary, stfu
Harry: WTF!
Dumbledore: now ever1 leeve k
Fudge/Severus/Poppy: k
Dumbledore: i m going 2 b vague. hermes!! u no wut u must do!!! oh and save 2 people kthnx becuz we fucked up twice
Hermione: u meen i hav 2 take a cheep way out 2 fix thingz lyk in moviez where da whole thing is a dreem sequence bcuz da author is 2 lazy 2 figure out someting logical?!
Dumbledore: ya
Hermione: k
Harry: WTF
Hermione: stfu, we r going 2 timetravel
Harry: WTF
Hermione: k so we hav 2 save serius and SOME1 ELSE!!! OH HOLIE GOD Y!!! WHO ELZE COULD WE HAVE POZIBLY SEEN DIE 2NITE?!?!?!?!!!!!
Harry: um....bukbeek?
Hermione: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Harry: ....bukbeek
Hermione: Y MUST U SPEEK IN RIDDLES< DUMBLEDORE?!?!? TELL MEEEEE
Harry: BUKBEEK
Hermione: o, k
Buckbeak: y0
Harry: cmere
Buckbeak: k
Macnair: WTF!!!!!! i will chop sometin in RAAAAAGE!!! ROAROAROAROAROAOR
Past!Hermione/Harry: OMG
Past!Ron: SKABERZZZZZZZ
Harry: we shud totalie just go kil wormteal now
Hermione: O NO U DINT!! if we do DA WORLD WILL EXPLODE!! EVERYTHING WILL BE DIFERNT!! U WONT HAV N E ARMS, JUST LIKE IN BUTERFLY EFECT!
Harry: wut
Hermione: nvm
Harry: ... k. ....look dementorz r tryin 2 eet my face. NOW I KAN C MY DADDY!!!!!!!!
Hermione: hes dead
Harry: !!!!!!!!!!!!
Hermione: ...dead.
Harry: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#@$@$111!!!
Hermione: ...dead
Harry: o ya. ... hey it must be me then. BOOM
X Amount of Time Later
Harry: i m flying a bird
Hermione: hey me 2
Buckbeak: f u
Sirius: OMFG WTF
Harry: HEEEEEEEEER WE KUM 2 SAV TEH DAAAAAY
Sirius: ...
Everyone: ...
Sirius: kthnxbai
Harry: BYE I LUV U
Hermione: um, wtf, u met him like, 4 hourz ago, n u thot he kiled ur parentz, n u dont relly no him at all
Harry: STFU!!! LUV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
End of Chapter 21
Chapter 22 - OMFG ITS FINALY OVERRRRRR
Ron: k so WTF happened
Harry/Hermione: ha ha ha ha, that ron, such a kidder
Ron: k seriusly wut
Hermione/Harry: Ha ha ha ha ha!
Remus: k well im gona blow this popstand
Harry: OMFG
Remus: wut
Harry: dats dirti
Remus: ...o
Harry: ........ya n ... y r u leevin
Remus: bcuz sn8p told da skool i m a crzy halfbreed monster
Harry: o
Remus: ya... so............. heres ur invisibilitee cloak i hav 4 som reazon
Harry: o hey thxn
Remus: n da map.... i dont feel guilty bcuz i m no longer a teecher and this meenz it is ok for me 2 suggest u break rules n shit juuuust like ur dad
Harry: k
Remus: kthnxbai
Harry: BI!!! k
Train: y0 sup
Pathetically Scrawny Owl: y0
Harry: hahahaha what a fag
Letter: hey itz seriues ... i meen... ....of course its not. n e way, WASSAAAAAAAAAAP? ya so i m on da run but thats k. fyi, da broom was frum me. 4...sometim. brithdays or some shit. u can go 2 da h00d cuz i said so... and ur frend with da red hair n da small penis can have da owl
Ron: WTF
Hermione: ha ha ha its true
Harry: huraah!! what a happy ending!!! insert blurry face of joy HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!
FIN!
Haha. Enjoy?
<3
Kali
It is probably the most unusual thing I have ever written, and that is saying something, but I thought it was fun, and some of you might enjoy it, so here you go:
|-|4|^|^y P0++3|^
[The L337 Version]
Chapter 1 - hariz in da hood
Harry: wtf itz mi bday n no 1 luvs me
Vernon: haha fux0r wtf da fone iz ringing no1 callz me bcuz i sck hell
ron: WTF PUT HARI ON U BASTRD
Vernon: WTF WHO R U
Ron: IM HIZ PIMP NOW PUT IM ON OR ILL PWN U
Vernon: WTF
Ron: NOW!!!!!!!!!!1!!
Harry: WTF RON U IDOIT STFU
Ron: WHAT?!?!?!?!??!?????????????1//1/1/
Harry: WTF DA NEBORS CAN HERE U BASTRD
Ron: WHA??????????
Vernon: WTF *hangsup* HARI IS GUNA BEET U
Harry: NOOO!O!!O@o!O!O!O!
Vernon: k
Harry: hey i got a letr on my bday ppl luv me i am sooooo gr8
Vernon: STFU IN THERE!!!1!
Harry: k
Letter: get ur rentz to sign dis so u can kum w/ us 2 da hood k
Harry: shit!!!1!! hey can u sign dis
Vernon: wtf no
Harry: f u
-end chapter one-
Chapter 2 - ant marg getz her fata$$ blownup hahahahahahahah
TV: if u see diz guy hez a convict k
Dursleys: :| k
Petnuia: fuk wut if he killz me :|
Vernon: dun wory i will rape him if he kumz
Petunia: .........
Dudley: can i rape him 2 daddy plzzzz
Vernon: :| k
Harry: WTF
Dursleys: STFU
Vernon: hey mi sis iz comin so u all beta be good
Petunia: wtf she eatz all our food :|
Vernon: fux0r@!11!1!11! she iz hoter dan u n beter in bed
Petunia: WTF!
Vernon: hahahahahahah
Dudley: ew stfu bastds!
Petunia: k
Vernon: so hari u need 2 kiz her ass k btw i told her u were sterile
Harry: WTF Y
Vernon: idunno
Harry: o
Vernon: so act all sterile k
Harry: k ill act like u
Dudley: snap!1!!1!!
Vernon: STFU!
Harry: hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Petunia: rofl
Vernon: u fux0rs!!1!!
Harry: so if i act steril will u sign dis
Vernon: wtf u want mi atograf
Harry: d00d no itz a permizon ting so i can go 2 da hood
Vernon: uh k.
Marge: HEY FUX0RS!!
Everyone except Vernon: ugh
Vernon: YAY!!!!!!!)!)10101010104yrhfbv
everyone: .........
Vernon: um k so diz is hari hez steril
Marge: hahahahahahahhahahahaahahhah mi husband was steril hahahahahahahahah wait ....im not maried hahahahhahahahahahahha
Harry: um k
Marge: so ur steril just like ur dad
Harry: WTF if mi dad wuz steril he wudnt b mi dad
Marge: WTF DNT TALK 2 ME LIK DAT!!!!!12!1!!
Harry: F U!!!!! BOOM
marge: WTF *explode*
Vernon: fux0r!!1!!
Petunia: OMFG
Harry: um k bai
-End of Chapter Two-
Chapter 3 - da um car thing
Harry: hey itz a big dog
Dog: wtf im not a dog im ur godfather
Harry: um k im gona ignore dat boom
Train: poof
Harry: wtf u almost kiled me
Train: WTF u caled me
Harry: nuuh
train: yuuh
Harry: nuuh!
Train: yuuh!
Harry: NUUH!
Train: yuuh timz infinety
Harry: f u
Train: hahahahahahaha k so were 2
Harry: um london plz
Train: k
Paper: wtf blck got out of abkanzan
Harry: wutz abaznekan
train: wtf r u stopid? itz like ... prizon
Harry: o
Paper: yah hez dangerus so ya
train: ya hez a bitch watch out 4 dat one
Harry: wtf he looks ugly
Train: Um... ya.... y u checkin out guyz boi
Harry: i wuznt but wtf his hair iz f'in long
train:........
Harry: ...........
Train: .... k so we're @ london leeve now
harry: k bai
Fudge: hi hary
Harry: uh hi u gona expel me
Fudge: um no
Harry: y not
Fudge: bcuz ur hot
Harry: .....
Fudge: um ya k bai
Harry: bai
-end of chapter 3-
Chapter 4 - da bar y0
Firebolt: u no u wanna buy me
Harry: ya i do
Firebolt: but dunt cuz it ruinz the plot 4 lata
Harry: um k can u get me bokz
Guy: uh k
Book: hey lokit me i have a bgi dog un me be afrid
Harry: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH k by
Hermione: wtf hary where u been dawg
Harry: in da hood yo
Ron: ........... k.
Cat: hahahahahhahaa im gona molest ron
Ron: WTF
Hermione: ahahahahhah im buying it
Ron: WTF
Crookshanks: ^~
Arthur: hahahahahah serius is tryina kil harry
Molly: WTF u bastrd!!!
Harry: wtf im right here
-End of Chapter 4-
Chapter 5: retard0r
Ron: ginny f off
Ginny: :| bstrd
Hermione: haha
Guy: zzzzzzzzzzzzz
Ron: wtf who iz he
Hermione: profezur lupin
ron: WTF y do u no evrything
Hermione: hez wering a nametag u stoopidazz
ron: o
Harry: um ya so dat black dude is after me
Hermione: WTF racist!!!1!!!!
ron: wtf hermyowny hiz last names black
Hermione: o
Stewardess: penutz geeeetchur penuts
Hermione: hahahahaha harry duznt have ne penuts
Harry: :| wtf
Hermione: hahahah
Ron: u fux0r stfu
Harry: um k u shud we wake up da radnom d00d
Hermione: uh k
Ron: what if hez ded
Hermione: wtf y wud he be ded
Ron: lookit him!1!!
Hermione: ........
Ron: ......
Harry:um k so...
Train: hahhahahaha shake shake shake
Everyone: WTF
Hermione: WTF RON DAT WUZ MI ASS
Ginny: wtf y am i here agan
Ron: idunno
Harry: ...patpat
Remus: shut up!1!!
Ron: wtf who wuz dat
Remus: dunt say da fuck wurd!1111!
Everyone: WTF
Remus: uh k brb
Harry: wtf y do i feel like im havin a heratak
Everyone: stfu ur ruinin da dramatic moment
harry: k
everonye: omfg!!!! harry r u ded//??
harry: no
Remus: hahaha good dat wud be a bad way 2 start off mi job
Everyone: ...
Remus: uh ya herez some candy
Harry:... kthnxbai
Hermione: wut wuz dat
Evryone: OMFG HERMIONE DOEZNT NO SOMTING!!!111
Hermione: stfu
Remus: it was a retard0r
everyone: wut
Remus: retard0r
everyone: wut
remus: wtf u all suk balz um brb
Harry: so wtf juzt hapend
Ron: u liek dyed
Hermione: den lopean was like "wtf go awy u bastrd" 2 da retard0r an it wuz like "no!11!" and ten he wuz like "ya!!!!" and it wuz lik "nooo!!!" and he sed "yez!1!!" and ten it wuz like "no!!" and he wuz like--
Ron: STFU!
hermione: ... k
Ron: so den he did a spel an it left and shiznit
malfoy: hahahahaahahhahahaha u suk u fell ova hahaahahahhahaahh
Remus: wtf leve or ill beet u
Malfoy: wtf ur clothz are ugly
Remus: :| f u
Malfoy: k bai
Dumbledore: um k so retard0rz r stalking us n um ya herez ur new techer
Remus: um hi
everyone: wtf u suck
remus: f u all
Snape: i want all of ur balz 2 die
Remus: wtf ..
Snape: hahahahahaahahah
Everyone: .........
Snape: um ya it was... flitwick
Everyone: f u flitwicK
flitwick: WTF
-End of chapter Five-
Chapter six - tee leves
Trelawney: i look liek a bug
Harry: hahahaha
Trelawney: u r gonna die omfg.
Harry: wtf
Trelawney: yeh it sez so in ur tee leves
Harry: omg im scured
hermione: wtf we rnt even loking @ tee lves
Trelawney: stfu!!!!
Parvati: omfg ur mi idol
Trelawney: hahahhaa sucker
Pravati: wut
Trelawney: i meen um good choize
Harry: wtf i saw a dog
Ron: OMFG!!1!!!
hermione: so wut i have a dog wtf
Ron: OMGGGGGGGG
Hermione: ron stfu
Ron: OMG
Hermione: STFU
Ron: OMG
Harry: WTF
Hagrid: um hey so dun poke the higorifz k
Everyone: k
Malfoy: hahahahaha apoke
Hipogriff: FUX)R!!!!!!
Malfoy: WTF IT ATAKED ME
Hermione: WTF R U BRANEDED
Malfoy: OMFG IM DYING
Ron: wtf it dint even brek the skin
Hagrid: OMG Im guna kill mizlef. heey WTF R U DUIN HERE BLACK IS GUNA LYK KILL U HARRY WTF
Harry: wtf
-End of Chapter Six-
Chatper Seven - hahahahahahahaaaaa snape in drag hahahahaahah
Ron: haha malfoyz hurt
Malfoy: PROFEZUR HEZ PIKIN ON ME
Snape: wtf, ron stop bein a bich n giv him ur pantiez
Ron: WTF but i just wached them
Snape: haha
Malfoy: haha i get ur pantiez
Ron: fux0r!!!!
Malfoy: u no if black betraid mi parentz n got em kiled i wud be pizzed
Harry: wut r u talkin bout
Malfoy: black betrid ur parentz
Harry: wut
Malfoy: black betrid ur parentz
Harry: wut
Malfoy: black betrid ur parentz
Harry: wut
Malfoy: black betrid... o f u
Harry: um k
Remus: um hey take out ur wandz
Ron: im getin dirti thotz
everyone: ....
Remus: um... right.... so... ....ok that wuz just wrong
Peeves; hahahaha we r da hornetz da horny horny hornetz
Remus: hahahah boom
Peeves: WTF WERE DID MI CLOTHZ GO
Everyone: AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
Peeves: F U!
Dean: hahaa dat wuz collies
Remus: ya... itz very handi 2 rape ppl
Everyone: ................
Remus: ....... snape tot me
Everyone: o well dat explanez it
Remus: um ya so thiz ting will juzt turn into wuteva ur afrade of
Hermione: OMG iz it a bogart?
Remus: no. u r stoopid.
Hermione: omfg im gona kill myself
Remus: wtf i wuz kiden ur right
Hermione: omg i luv u
Remus: ...................so neway just go boom and it wil implode
Class: k
RemuS: haha nevil u first
Neville: wtf y
Remus: bcuz u suk
Neville: o ok
Boggart: hahahaha i m snape
Everyone: HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
Neville: OMFG IM GONA PIZZ MISELF
Remus: um ya k so boom
Neville: BAM! BOM! BOMM! BBOM!
REmus: WTF R U STUPID BOOM
Boggart: hahahaahah i m snape in drag
Everoyne: HAHAHAHA BOOM
Boggart: wtf im confused POOF
Harry: WTF I DIDNT GET A TRI I H8 U LUPEN
Remus: um...... k. ur mom wuz hot
Harry: u r forgiven
-End of Chapter Seven-
-Chapter 8 - ummm sireus duz shit an stuf
Hermione and ron: hahahahahah we git 2 go 2 da ho0d n u dunt
Harry: wtf u fux0rz um k ill go slep w/ lopen
Hermione and Ron: um k bi
Remus: um hi i duno y ur hear bt k wnt sme tee
Harry: um.............k. so... y didnt i get 2 fite da retard0r fux0r
Remus: cuz i h8 u
Harry: oh k
Snape: hahahaha fux0r hear drink thz antiwearwulf sh1t u wearwolf
Remus: k
Harry: WTF hez posonin u
Remus: .........no
Harry: WTF YEZ
Remus: .... kthnxbai
Hermione and Ron: OMFG we had suuuuu much fun w/o u!!!!! omg!!!!
Harry: f u :|
Hermione: hahahahah
Ron: so wut did u do
Harry: um snap iz posnin lopan
Hermione and Ron: OMFG!!!!
Hermione: um letz go eet
Everyone: k
Remus: hahahahah helo flitwik
Flitwich: hahaha asl
Harry: OMFG! HE MUZT B POSONED
Snape: hahaha wtf i hate the ntire staff hahahah
Harry: OMFG!
Peeves: haha da fat ladi got atacked shez fat hahahahahah
Dumbledore: :|... wtf
Peeves: IT WUZ SERIUS BLECK
Everyone: OMFG!!!1!1!! 1one
-End of Chapter 8-
Chpater 9- kliford da big red dawg hawhahahahaah
Dumbledore: wtf um ur all slepin in da gr8 hall
Students: WTF y
Dumbledore: iunno it makez me sund smrt
Students: o k
Staff: omg hez not hear!!1!!1!1!
Remus: hahah datz cuz i hid him in mi pantz
Everyone: WTF
Remus: .......................um...... jk.
Everyone but Snape: o k
Snape: WTF R U AL STOPID
Everyone: ya
Cadogan: avast ye landluberz, many a day have i been pon the seez
Everyone: f u
Cadogan: k
Snape: o, k um hahahhahahahaha im techin u al
Everyone: WTF
Harry: Y
Snape: cuz............and.......thats y. i hold u indirectly responsible
Harry: wtf
Snape: so... i dunno wut uv all dun bcuz lupen suckz as!!!! hahaahahahha assuker
Hermione: .... um... k... weve don lik...gryinaldoz an shiznit
Snape: STFU i wuz buzy disin him jeez u ruined mi moment
Hermione: wtf
Snape: ahhahahahaahahahah 26547358 pointz frum gryfindor so um.... nebodi no wut a wearwul is
Hermione: OMG! ME! ME! ME!!!!!!!111o1o1o1o1n!On1on!On!o1e
Snape:.... n e 1...
Hermione: WTF
Snape: haha u suk
Hermione: ITZ LIK... um... lopen.
Snape: WTF stfu u noital
Hermione: omg
Ron: wtf she anzerd ur q
Snape: F U!!!!! detention
harry: i hav 2 ply quibitch in da rain boohoo
Ron: f u i hav 2 clen bedpanz
Hermione: hahahahahahahaha u fux0rz
Harry: f u
Retard0rs: haha
Lily: OMG!!! NO!OOO!O!O!O!O!O!!!O!!-1!/1!)$_!%&09!
Harry: WTF fall
Dumbledore: SHIT
Cedric: hahahaha u fux0r i got da snitch
Harry: OMFG im guna kil miself
Ron: um ur bruum dyed
Harry: shit!!!21
-End of CHapter 9-
Chapter 10 - im da map im da map im da map im da map im da MAP
harry: wtf y r u stalkin me
Dog: um....idunno. it makez it dramtic
Harry: oh k
Class: OMG snap gave uz homwurk nd sh1t
Remus: hahahaha
Class: wtf y r u thiner
Remus: .... um......anorexia
Class: o k
Harry: mi broom died bohoooooo
Remus: haha
Harry: um so kan u teech me 2 kil retard0rz
Remus: no
Harry: plz
Remus: no
Harry: plz
Remus: no
Harry: PLZ?!
Remus: NO
Harry: PLZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Remus: omfg u tard k
Harry: haha i win
Hermione and Ron: wtf we hav 2 stay w/ u @ xmas shit!1!
Harry: haha
Hermione and Ron: but we r guna leeve u 4 da h00d
Harry: fux0r!1!
Fred and George: haha
Harry: wtf
Fred: um ya herz a map
George: just boom n itll show shit
Harry: um kthnxbai.... boom
Map: haha were mony wurmtale padfut and prongz in da HOUZE y0
Harry: wtf..
Map: so ya juzt go out da back d00r
Harry: um k. wtf im in da hood
Hermione: WTF R U DUIN HERE GO AWAY
Ron: ya!!1 u bastrd!!!
Sign: haha siruz is 2 smrt 4 us so ur all on ur own
Hermione: OMG hary
Harry: f u
McGonagall: i needa go get drunk u comin
MostofstaffminusDumbledoreSnapeandRemus: k
McGonagall: omfg wudnt it suk if siriuz got harry
Everyone: OMG ya!!!!
Rosmerta: omfg i cant beleve hez evil. he slept w/ me
Everyone: ............ .... k.
Mcgonagal: u no hiz peepz
Rosmerta: ya!!! DUUHHH. u men jamze
Fudge: duuuh.
Rosmerta: god i think they were gay w/ ech other
Everyone: ..........
Flitwick: wtf jamez wuz maried d00d
Rosmerta: ...
Everyone: ....
McGonagall: ... 2 a girl
Rosmerta: o
Fudge: um ya so suckz how black kiled dem
Hagrid: WTF?
Fudge: ya they wuz like 'omg ewre guna hide over here dun tell people k sirius" and he wuz like 'k hey voldie dere over dere' and den he-whoz-name-iz-long wus like "wtf um k"
Hagird: OMG i saw siriuz!!! wen dey died n i got hary he was like 'um wtf im his guardian now' and i waz lik 'nuuh' and he wuz like 'yuuh' and i was like 'stfu or ill eat you' and he was like 'wtf very1 h8s me now im guna go kil peter insted of teling remuz nd everyun else'
McGonagall: datz deep y0
Hagrid: i no
Staff: letz leeve kthnxbai
Romserta: haha bi
Hermione and Ron: OMFG
Harry: wtf blafck iz a bastrd
-End of Chapter 10-
Chapter 11 - fieurbult
Harry: wtf in thiz pic siruz is hot
Neville: DUDE WTF STOP CHEKIN OUT GUYZ
Harry: hay i juzt relized malyof knowz bout blck y didnt he tel me
Hagrid: OMG LOOK @ DIZ SHIZNIT
Letter: um were guna kil ur bird cuz lucy told uz to k by
Hagrid: OMGGGGGGGG :(
Draco: haha
Everyone: STFU
Hagrid: omg i remebr bein in akzanben it suked
Harry: haha ya
Everyone: wtf harry u dunt no
Harry: o ya k by
Ron: haha we get shit cuz its xmas WTF ANUTHER SWETER F U MOM!!!!
Molly (somewhere): hahahah
Hermione: um i didn get ne thin
Harry: OMFG I GUT A FIREBOLT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ron: k stop now
Hermione: FRUM WHO?!!?!?!?!
Harry: idunno
Ron: DUMBLEDORF
Harry: WTF no
Ron: um..........................ur lover...wassisname...........
Harry: ... wtf f u
Hermione: hahaha
Ron: LOPPAN
Harry: wtf he needz hiz mony to by lik.... food
Hermione: wtf he getz fod for free here
Harry: ... f u
Hermione: OMFG IT MUZT BE FRUM SIRIUS BACK
Harry and Ron: WTF
Hermione: OMG ITZ CURZED PROLY
Harry and Ron: F U!
Sneakoscope: omg scaberz is da one who betra--
Harry: STFU
Dumbledore: cum sit w/ uz becuz we hav no friendz
Snape: :| wtf no
Dumbledore: stfu snap
Snape: ...
Dumbledore: neway CUM SIT
Harry Ron and Hermione: ... k
Trelawney: omfg if i sit ur all guna loze ur ballz
McGonagal: ... sit.
Trelawney: o ya i dun hvae ballz hahaha sux 2 b u
Snape: stfu
Trelawney: k..... hey where te fuk is lupin?
Kali: WHAT THE HELL why doesn't anyone besides Sirius and Peter call him by his first name?
Everyone: STFU!
Kali: fuckers
Dumbledore: hez a werewol... i meen............ he haz herpez
Snape: i hav herpez
Everyone: ....
Snape: ............ not frum him
Everyone: .......
Snape: i meen... i dunt have herpes.
Everyone: o k
Ron and Harry: kthnxbai now
Trelawney: OMG UR BALLZ!! THEIR GUNA DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE
Ron:.... yep.
Harry: ... bai.
Hermione: im guna stay so i kan get mcgonugal 2 confinskate ur broom
Harry: o ok by
McGonagal: im takin dat
Harry: F U!!!! F U HERMYONE!!!! F U ALLLLLLLLLL! I WANT ALL OF UR BALZ 2 DIE!
McGonagal: ...2 late.
Harry: f u
-End of Chapter 11-
Chapter 12 - heheheheheeh swirly thing
Harry: so ya make me smrt
Remus: hahahaha u cant do the impozible hahahahah
Harry: F U!
Remus: haha... um... ya. see u l8
Ron: wtf hez alwayz sick wutz rong
Harry: hez anoreic remembr
Ron: o ya
Hermione: wtf hez a werwulf u idiotz
Ron: WTF u r stopid f u
Hermione: baztrd!!!
Harry: um k... so........... yah
Remus: um... hi. were uzing this thing
Harry: WTF
Remus: wtf u kant handle a reel retard0r ne way
Harry:..... tru
Remus: think of sumthin happy and boom
Harry: k
Boggart: hahaha i vant to suk ur soul
Harry: OMFGGGGG
Remus: ur an idot
Harry: um.. BOOm.
Retard0r: u suk
Harry: OMG
Lily: WTF LEVE ME ALONE U BSTRD!!!!
Voldemort: um.. no.
Lily: OMG
Harry: AHHHHH
Remus: ... boom.
Retard0r: fuck poof
Harry: OMFG
Remus: haha try again
Harry: k
Retad0r: boo
James: SHIT!!! F U PETER! LILE GO ... RUN aw fuck
Voldemort: BOOM
James: poof
Lily: OMFG
Harry: AHHHHH B... B... BO...BOB....BOO..
Remus: u realy do suk. BOOM.
Harry: omofg i herd mi dad
Remus: U HERD JAMEZ?
Harry: no.
RemuS: wtf?
Harry: haha jk yea
Remus: er... o.
Harry: y U DIDNT POZIBLY NO HIM DID U?!?! ther iz no pozible way
Remus: ...um... atually i did.
Harry: OMG.
Remus: .... ur strnge. so try agn
Harry: BOOM!
Retard0r: F U!!
Harry: haha it wurked
Remus: .... kinda. eat thiz.
Harry: k....... hey if u new mi dad u must no siriuz blck
Remus: WTF R U IMPLYIN I NEVER SLEPT W/ SIRIUZ
Harry: um........ i didnt say that
Remus: ....o. ..........yez. i new hm. er...well... i thot i did. maybe dat was peter... no, i definatly new him.
Harry: wtf r u like.. amneisic
Remus: ...............yes. and anorexic. no more queztionz. leav now.
Harry: kthnxbi
McGonagal: u can hav ur broom back
Harry: OMG YAY
Hermione: uh ya sory
Harry: ha
Ron: OMFG HERMION I h8 U UR KAT KILLED SCABERZ
Hermione: WTF
Harry: FUX0R!
-End of Chapter 12-
updated july 2004- chapter 13 -
Ron: i still h8 u
Hermione: nuuh i h8 u teh mozt
Harry: omfg u both suk da big 1
Ron: actualie itz verruh small
Harry/Hermione: ...
Ron: ....
Everyone!: ...
Ron: k
Oliver Wood: harie if we dont win 2nite im going to bust a cap in y0 white honky ass k??!!
Harry: um k
Cho Chang: hi asl
Harry: !!!!!!!
Cho: ...
Harry: !!!!
Cho: ...
Harry: boing
Cho: um .... k. good luk!!
Harry: ...BOING
Cho: ...
Dementors: ahboogieboogieboo
Harry: WTF OH NO U DIINT!!!! BOOM
Malfoy/Entire Gang of Random Slytherins: OMG NO WE R JUST SLYHERINS K DONT KILL MEEE Y GOD Y
Harry: ........k i cot da snitch
Oliver Wood/Entire Gryffindor Quidditch Team: OOMG WE PWN U!!!
Cho/Ravenclaw Team: ...
Wood: u just mad, cuz tonite, u sukas got SERVED!
Entire Gryffindor Quidditch Team and The Rest Of The Fucking School: SERVED! SERVED! SERVED!
Cho: ... f u
Harry: dam. ......o WELL I MAID ONE OF THOZE PATRONUS THINGS!!!!!! IM A BIG KID NOW
Remus: thatz cuz it wuz just malfoy
Harry: stfu dont u rane on mi parade
Remus: k
Gryffindor: WE GONNA PARTAY LIKE ITS 1999 WHICH IS ACTUALLY IN THE FUTURE BECAUSE THIS TAKES PLACE IN 93!!!!
Ron: i STILL h8 u, herpes... hermes... ...wuteva ur name is
Hermione: OMGWTFSOBCRIE
Harry: ur a baztard
Ron: k
Harry: lol
Ron: FOMG FOMGOMEOGMEOGMEOGMEOGMOEGMOGM
Everyone: WUT
Ron: FIEMGOEJGIOEJTOIETJOIWEJROIWJEOT
Everyone: ...
Ron: OMG serius bleck TOTALIE just tried 2 kill u but he ataked me instead omg
Everyone: WTF
McGonagall: U!!! NITE GUY!! did u let some1 in?
Sir Cadogan: ya. he had da p-word k.
McGongall: WTF
Neville: um. ......opsies.
Everyone Ever: u r so totalie this generation's peter. ...... i meen. look! a distraction!
-end of chapter 13-
Chapter 14 - snape h8s u
Ron: mayb we shud tell ppl about ur map
Harry: wtf no
Ron: o ok
Hagrid: kum fornik8 2nite k DONT GO ALONE OR ULL GET RAPED
Harry and Ron: k
Hagrid: omfg, da trial 4 bukbeek is soon, k. ...and ur frend, hermyiaetaetiaeot, shez like, depressed, k
Ron: omg y?
Hagrid: bcuz u h8 her
Ron: ...o.
Harry: k
Hermione: omg harree, if u uze that map agen, i m tellin on u!!!!
Harry and Ron: WTF
Hermione: hahahahahahahah
Harry: k ill use it n e way
Ron: oh k ............so im goin 2 da h00d
Harry: k bye
Neville: omg u kant go either!!!! omg k can we--
Harry: no
Snape: omg wut r u 2 doin?!?!?!?!?!!!!!
Harry: nutin
Snape: }:>|
Harry: um k
Neville: OMG run away!!!!
Harry: ..........k. i m going 2 da h00d secretly in secret
Ron: were are u!?!
Harry: if i wuz invizible, i kuld just rape u in ur room
Ron: wut
Harry: um.....nutin. k
Ron: look itz da shreekin shak. its haunted, k. dont go dere. da gosts will eat ur babiez
Harry: NOOO mi babiez
Malfoy: hahaha ron ur poor
Ron: OMG
Harry: o no u diint!!!
Malfoy: OMG WTF WERE IS DIZ SHIT COMING FRUM
Harry: ...run away!!!
Snape: POTER!!! WERE DA FUK HAV U BEEN
Harry: um. sleepin w/ neville.... i meen. sleepin.
Snape: take off ur pantz
Harry: wtf no
Snape: k then open ur poketz
Harry: ......k.
Snape: OMG a blank peice of paper i am teh suspiciousz0r
Harry: its just pa--
Snape: STFU. open, map!!
Map: no
Snape: OMGWTFU
Harry: hahaha
Snape: BUT I M PROF. SNAPE. DO IIITTTTT
Moony: ur fat
Wormtail: hahahahahah u fag
Padfoot: hahahahahahHAHA ur nose is big
Prongs: ....bigger dan ur penis!! HAHAHAHAHHAHA
Map: AHAHHAHAHA
Snape: OMFGGGGG ima bust a cap!!!!
Harry: wtf
Snape: OMFG. LOPEN GET UR ASS HERE NOW K
Remus: k. wut?
Snape: OMG look @ dis shiznit
Remus: hahaha it called u a fag. ....i meen. .......wut.
Snape: ITZ PROBABLIEE DARK ARTS EH
Remus: no. but im gona keep it.
Snape: OMG did u give it 2 him?
Remus: ............................................no.
Snape: k
Ron: lol hi i gave harie dat shit itz from da h00d
Remus: c there u go BYE SNAPE
Snape: f u all im going to go wank off
Remus: hahahaha emofag. .......OMG harie WTF is wrong wit u, usin diz map w/ siruz black n all
Harry: WTF HOW DO U NO ITS A MAP
Remus: bcuz i made it!! i meen. ...... BCUZ. STFU SINDERBLOCK. ...................ur parents died 4 u, u no
Harry: i no
Ron: hahaha wut lozerz. ... i meen. ....
Harry: ...
Remus: it wuld suk if u died bcuz ur stupid
Harry: kthnxbai
Remus: fag
Hermione: OMGOMGOMGOMGOGMOGMOGM
Harry/Ron: wtf u biznath
Hermione: BUK BEEEK IZ DYIN
Harry/Ron: OMGOMGOMGOMGOGMOGMOGM
-end of chapter 14-
Chapter 15 - omg mor quiditch
Trelawney: u in da jungle, babie, u gonna DIEEEEEEEEEE
Harry: um, k
Hermione: omg ur a fag kthnxbai
Crookshanks and Grim: y0
Harry: OMG RON LOOK
Ron: zzzzzzz
Harry: wtfu
Oliver Wood: omg we kan win da kup k
Harry: OMG i hav a kup on
Everyone: ...
Harry: how strait u wan it
Oliver: u no how i like it babe. strait H00D
Harry: wtf um k
Lee Jordan: FOMG gryfind0r is nailing yo azz, boiz
Slytherin: STFU
Entire Gryffindor Quidditch Team: WEEEEEE R DA CHAPMIONS, MI FREEENDZ ...
Everyone: k
Readers: iz that all that happens in dat chapta
Rowling: ya
Readers: wtf
Rowling: hahahahahahha
-End of Chapter 15-
Chapter 16 - omgg um stuff
Percy: OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOGMOGMGOMG NEWTS OMGOMGOMGOGMOGMG
Everyone: STFU
Percy: k
Trelawney: y0 sup
Harry: um i c a hipogrif
Trelawney: DIEING?!?!?!!
Harry: no
Trelawney: WTF
Harry: its flying
Trelawney: u fail @ lyf
Harry: k
Trelawney: ............................the power of christ compelz u!!
Harry: lol wut
Trelawney: OMGGOMGOMG k da dark lords homies r gona kum back 2nite n trie 2 kill u
Harry: OMG u mean serius black
Trelawney: no skabers
Harry: wtf
Trelawney: seven daaaaaaaaaays
Harry: WTF
Trelawney: k
Harry: um k im gona 4get this eva happened
Trelawney: k
Hermione: OMGOMGOMG bukbeek is gonna die
Harry/Ron/Hermione: we must go c dis shit y0
Hagrid: WTF i told u 2 not cum
Harry: n case u neva noticed, we dun listen to u peepz
Hermione: its cuz we r so totalie rebelius
Hagrid: o ok
Hermione: OMG ITS SKABERZ
Ron: OMG MI LUVR... i meen...............wot
Scabbers: of course im not peter petigrew. .......i meen. .........wut.
Everyone: k
Hagrid: this iz mi house, this IZ my house....wont u GET DA FUCK OUTA MI HOUSE?!!!?!
Harry/Ron/Hermione: k
Macnair: i kiled u bukbeek
Bukbeek: k
Hermione/Harry: OMG
Ron: SKABERZZZZZZZ
-end of chpater 16-
Chapter 17 - threesom!!!!!
Ron: OMG skaberz
Everyone: stfu
Crookshanks: BOO
Scabbers: AHHHHHHHHHHHH
Crookshanks: hahahahaha mi name sounds like skanks
Ron: OMG NO MI RAT i will chase u!!!
Harry/Hermione: wtf
Dog: y0 i will ilogikally freeze da wompin will0w k
Crookshanks: me 2
Harry/Hermione: k we wont question dat
Dog/Crookshanks: k
Harry: OMG were da fuk r we
Ron: OMGOMOGMGOMGOMGOGM ITS SERIUZ BLACK
Harry: WUT WERE
Ron: RITE DERE
Sirius: hahahahaha y0 sup
Harry: OMG IM GONA HAMMER UR FANNY
Sirius: i will now referense ur father 2 piss u off k
Harry: k. ......OMG im still gonna pwn u
Sirius: k
Hermione: um black is like, 3436536 times ur size, harie
Harry: STFU LOGICFACE!!!! ... IM GUNNA PWN U!! U TOTALIE KILLED MI PARENTZ
Sirius: i didnt but i m going 2 act like i did 4 da sake of da plot k
Everyone: k
Harry: hahahahaha i m pwning u
Sirius: haha even tho ur mi godson i RELLY want 2 kill dat rat so i wil strangle u now k
Harry: OMG i m going 2 kill u somehow despite being 13 k
Sirius: omg. ........k.
Harry: U KILED MI PARENTZ :|
Hermione: weve been thro this
Harry: STFU! ... hello. mi name is harry poter. u killed mi father. prepare to dye
Sirius: k
Remus: y0
Sirius: OMG
Remus: OMG
Sirius/Remus: <3333
Everyone: WTF!!!
Sirius: ...........
Remus: ....
Sirius: look. a distraction!!!
Everyone: OMG where?!?!
Hermione: OMGOMGOMGOGMOGMOGMG!!! I KANT BELEIVE ITS NOT BUTTER n dat i didnt tell on u u FAG
Remus: her--
Hermione: MOMGEOMEGOMEGOMEGOME
Remus: her--
Hermione: KOGEMOGMEOG
Remus: ...
Hermione: OMGOM...
Remus: STFU
Hermione: OMG F U HALFBREED
Everyone: !!!!
Sirius: o no u diint
Hermione: HE IZ A WEREWULF
Harry/Ron: OMG I NEVER WULDA GUESED
Remus: well ur stupid.
Harry: k so WTF
Remus: well i wuz in my office watchin pr0n when da mpa was like Y0 its peter and i was like WTF and it was like ya and I was like OMG and then i was like WTF and i LOLed bcuz it reminded me of mi fav. webcomic, OMGWTFLOL
Everyone: ...
Remus: skaberz = peter
Everyone: OOOooOoOo......... NO!!!
Remus/Sirius: ya
Everyone: NO
Remus/Sirus: ...um. ...ya.
Everyone: NO!!
Sirius/Remus: ya!
Everyone: oh, k
-end of chapter 17-
Chapter 18 - um thoze ppl
Everyone Ever Except Remus and Sirius: wtf u suk
Sirius: f this im goin homocidal
Ron: hahaha u said homo
Remus: wtf no we hav 2 explain
Sirius: dats for l0zers
Remus: f u
Hermione: um ..........WTF?!
Harry and Ron: ya that
Remus: so ya pete = skaberZ
Hermione: um no
Remus: ya.
Hermione: but i didnt reed abut him!!!!
Remus: ...........
Hermione: I KANT B TRU IF I DINT REED IT!!!!!
Remus: ...
Hermione: stfu
Door: i m opening
Everyone: OMG letz 4get about it now
Remus: ............k well peter, serius and jamz were all animagi k
Hermione/Harry/Ron: OMG
Remus: k. we had like.......orgies. n stuff.
Hermione: ew beastialitie
Sirius: STFU
Remus: k so. we wer all in da crib k lyk homiez n stuff. it wuz ilegal but i didnt tell n e 1
Everyone Ever: y not
Remus: .........bcuz........................nd.....................thats y
Everyone:...
Remus: i hold U indirectly responzible. ...........dont do it again
Everyone: k
Remus: so ya stuf hapened k n snape was all--
Sirius: WTF SNAPE
Remus: ya
Sirius: i h8 dat crazy fuk
Remus: hahahahaha u almost kiled him 1nce. ............using me. wait. wtf. baztard
Sirius: hahahaaha i mean wut
Hermione: OMG so like, snape h8s u becuz he thinks U wanted to kill him, but it wasnt U it was SEIRUS?
Remus: ya sure
Snape: ya just lyk dat
Everyone: OMG
Chapter 19 - voldiez bitch
Snape: omgomgomgomgomgomgogmogm hahahahaha i win black im gonna nail ur ass
Remus: but...it wuz pet--
Snape: STFU CINDERBLOCK!!!!!!
Sirius: OMG f u
Snape: stfu
Sirius: k
Hermione: um prof they wuz--
Snape: STFU
Hermione: k
Ron: ...
Snape: STFU
Ron: k
Harry: WTF um. ... f u.
Snape: STFU!!!!! i h8 u 4 som reason
Harry: wtfu BOOM
Hermione/Ron: BOOM
Snape: omg
Sirius: hahahahahahaha i win u loze u stuped fagg0t
Remus: um k. so k we kan prov it 2 u
Scabbers: i m peter. ... i meen. ....no.
Everyone: OMGG!!!!!!
Sirius: i told u so
Everyone: OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
Sirius: ...
Everyone: OMGOMGOGMOGMOGMOGMOGMGOMGOMGOMGOGMOGMOGMGOGMOGMOGMOGMOGMOMG k
Peter: um ...l00k! A DISTRACTION
Remus: STFU
Sirius: OMFG IM GONA HAMMER UR FAMILIE
Peter: UM.... but...it wuz seriues!!!
Everyone: no it wuznt
Peter: JA
Everyone: nuh
Peter: stfu... .... um... we r familie. ive got all my sistas w/ me
Remus/Sirius: i h8 u
Peter: dammit
Harry: ....u kiled my parntz
Peter: ya um. ....sorry bout that
Harry:WTF
Remus/Sirius: prepare 2 DIEEEEEEE
Peter: NOOOOOoooo
Remus: YESSSSSssss
Peter: NOOOOOooo
Sirius: YESSSSsss
Peter: damnit. hey u!!! gurl! HELP ME PLZ
Hermione: wtf no
Peter: RON?!?!?!11
Ron: ew wtf d00d u slept in mi bed...
Harry: ew ron u sleep w/ animalz?????
Ron: yes.... i meeen. .......................no.
Peter: HARIEEEE
Harry: f u i h8 u u kill my father preepair 2 die
Peter: um. .....................ur fatha woulda let me live......bcuz.....nd...thats y
Harry: o ok. ...dont kill him
Sirius: WTF i spent 12 yeers in jail bcuz of him
Harry: stfu
Sirius: k
Remus: letz take him up 2 da castle nd conviniently not think 2 do n e thin smart lyk stun him
Everyone: K!
-End of Chapter 19-
Chapter Twenty - i vaaant to suuuk ur blooooood/sole
Sirius: so...harie. ......um. wanna chill in mi crib
Harry: k
Sirius: sk0re
Harry: OMG no mor dursleys
Sirius: ...k.
Full Moon: y0
Remus: shit
Everyone: how did u mange 2 4get its a ful moon?
Remus: STFU
Everyone: k
Hermione: omg!!!! he iznt using PROTECTION!!!!!!!!!!!
Everyone: no shit
Hermione: f u
Werewolf: roar
Harry: OMG. i muzt b heroic nd get miself kiled
Sirius: um ...no.
Dog: roar
Werewolf: bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother
Dog: F U
Peter: f u all kthnxbai
Hermione: ....well we r stoopid
Harry: STFU. OMG!!!! SERUS!!!
Werewolf: i m going 2 leev 4 no reazin k
Dog: k so will i
Harry/Hermione: WTF
Ron: i m uncoscius
Harry: we shud follow serius 4 som reason
Hermione: k
Retard0rs: kissy kissy
Sirius: noooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooo
Harry: OMG. BoOm. BooM!~! HERMIOEN!!! DO SOMETHIN!
Hermione: k ill pass out
Sirius: ya me 2
Harry: F U!
Stag: y0
Retard0rs: AHHHH RUN AWAYYYY
Harry: OMG. DAD?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?1?!?!
Stag: no
Harry: DAD?!!!!!!!!
Stag: no
Harry: DAD!!!!!
Stag: wtf
Harry: k im gona pass out 2
Stag: kthnxbai
-End of Chapter 20-
Chapter 21 - back 2 da future
Fudge: OMFG itz about time wtf m8s
Severus: iiii m so gr8 iii m so gr8 every1 h8s me cuz iiii m so gr8
Harry: OMFG STFU FAG WERZ SERIUS
Fudge: kissy kissy
Harry: OMFG HE IZ INNOSENT
Severus: no he iznt stfu fag
Hermione: HE IZ
Harry: ...YA.
Everyone: stfu u tard
Harry: OMFG I M NOT
Everyone except Hermione: yes u r
Dumbledore: k, hary, stfu
Harry: WTF!
Dumbledore: now ever1 leeve k
Fudge/Severus/Poppy: k
Dumbledore: i m going 2 b vague. hermes!! u no wut u must do!!! oh and save 2 people kthnx becuz we fucked up twice
Hermione: u meen i hav 2 take a cheep way out 2 fix thingz lyk in moviez where da whole thing is a dreem sequence bcuz da author is 2 lazy 2 figure out someting logical?!
Dumbledore: ya
Hermione: k
Harry: WTF
Hermione: stfu, we r going 2 timetravel
Harry: WTF
Hermione: k so we hav 2 save serius and SOME1 ELSE!!! OH HOLIE GOD Y!!! WHO ELZE COULD WE HAVE POZIBLY SEEN DIE 2NITE?!?!?!?!!!!!
Harry: um....bukbeek?
Hermione: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Harry: ....bukbeek
Hermione: Y MUST U SPEEK IN RIDDLES< DUMBLEDORE?!?!? TELL MEEEEE
Harry: BUKBEEK
Hermione: o, k
Buckbeak: y0
Harry: cmere
Buckbeak: k
Macnair: WTF!!!!!! i will chop sometin in RAAAAAGE!!! ROAROAROAROAROAOR
Past!Hermione/Harry: OMG
Past!Ron: SKABERZZZZZZZ
Harry: we shud totalie just go kil wormteal now
Hermione: O NO U DINT!! if we do DA WORLD WILL EXPLODE!! EVERYTHING WILL BE DIFERNT!! U WONT HAV N E ARMS, JUST LIKE IN BUTERFLY EFECT!
Harry: wut
Hermione: nvm
Harry: ... k. ....look dementorz r tryin 2 eet my face. NOW I KAN C MY DADDY!!!!!!!!
Hermione: hes dead
Harry: !!!!!!!!!!!!
Hermione: ...dead.
Harry: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#@$@$111!!!
Hermione: ...dead
Harry: o ya. ... hey it must be me then. BOOM
X Amount of Time Later
Harry: i m flying a bird
Hermione: hey me 2
Buckbeak: f u
Sirius: OMFG WTF
Harry: HEEEEEEEEER WE KUM 2 SAV TEH DAAAAAY
Sirius: ...
Everyone: ...
Sirius: kthnxbai
Harry: BYE I LUV U
Hermione: um, wtf, u met him like, 4 hourz ago, n u thot he kiled ur parentz, n u dont relly no him at all
Harry: STFU!!! LUV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
End of Chapter 21
Chapter 22 - OMFG ITS FINALY OVERRRRRR
Ron: k so WTF happened
Harry/Hermione: ha ha ha ha, that ron, such a kidder
Ron: k seriusly wut
Hermione/Harry: Ha ha ha ha ha!
Remus: k well im gona blow this popstand
Harry: OMFG
Remus: wut
Harry: dats dirti
Remus: ...o
Harry: ........ya n ... y r u leevin
Remus: bcuz sn8p told da skool i m a crzy halfbreed monster
Harry: o
Remus: ya... so............. heres ur invisibilitee cloak i hav 4 som reazon
Harry: o hey thxn
Remus: n da map.... i dont feel guilty bcuz i m no longer a teecher and this meenz it is ok for me 2 suggest u break rules n shit juuuust like ur dad
Harry: k
Remus: kthnxbai
Harry: BI!!! k
Train: y0 sup
Pathetically Scrawny Owl: y0
Harry: hahahaha what a fag
Letter: hey itz seriues ... i meen... ....of course its not. n e way, WASSAAAAAAAAAAP? ya so i m on da run but thats k. fyi, da broom was frum me. 4...sometim. brithdays or some shit. u can go 2 da h00d cuz i said so... and ur frend with da red hair n da small penis can have da owl
Ron: WTF
Hermione: ha ha ha its true
Harry: huraah!! what a happy ending!!! insert blurry face of joy HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!
FIN!
Haha. Enjoy?
<3
Kali
