Important Things

[thirty2flavors]

...Which I Have Established With Various Sources, Including callmepatsy and bazcat89:

• Dwight Schrute runs a serious, discussion-oriented Harry Potter livejournal community with Edward Cullen.
  
• Generally they disagree on most things, though; Dwight is in it for the plot, but Edward is in it for the shipping.
  
• ...Edward leaves the community after the release of The Half-Blood Prince, because Ron is lewd, foul-mouthed and disrespectful of women, and Ginny is a tart. One is not meant to have so many relations prior to finding one's soulmate.
  
• The Doctor was banned from this community early on due to his tendency to "accidentally" post spoilers.
  
• ...sometimes several books early.
  
• In his anger and defiance of rules, he also got Martha's account banned. Martha was more upset over the fact that he might find her filtered entries in which she complains about his wangsting over Rose.
  
• The Doctor and Edward become fast friends during series 3/New Moon.
  
• ...even though they each think the other is a whiny, emo bitch.
  
• The Master intentionally posts spoilers without cuts. For everything. All the time.
  
• Dwight discredits all of these spoilers as "ridiculous" and "impossible" and "an insult to the writers". When they turn out to be true, a small part of his soul dies.
  
• The Master is this guy. He wears this shirt to the major releases of all the movies involved. M Night Shyamalan is his favourite director.
  
• Most importantly, the Master leaked Midnight Sun.
  

Discuss.

Comments

[callmepatsy.livejournal.com]

...sometimes several books early.

I love this because I can totally see him posting "SIRIUS DIES *emowangstflail*!" and it's like, book one and everyone is like "Who the fuck is Sirius?"

[http://users.livejournal.com/_thirty2flavors/]

EXACTLY

or like, just after POA he's all THAT SCENE IN THE FOREST WHERE LILY, JAMES, REMUS AND SIRIUS COME BACK FORM THE DEAD WAS SO POWERFUL

[bazcat89.livejournal.com]

Dwight responds with stuff like THAT IS THE MOST IMPROBABLE THING I HAVE EVER HEARD EVERYONE KNOWS YOU CAN'T REVIVE THE DEAD. GET A LIFE, LOSER.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_thirty2flavors/]

A+ DWIGHT VOICE

The Master jumps into th fray with scans of the Resurrection Stone scene, and Dwight is like, UH, WOW, SOMEONE HAS PHOTOSHOP, GLAD YOU COULD JOIN US IN THE 90S. ..EXCEPT I'M NOT GLAD.

[bazcat89.livejournal.com]

And then the Master gets mad and starts fighting back.
Him and Dwight and up on fandom_wank.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_thirty2flavors/]

omfg The Master would be one of those people who just argues with macros and gifs, and dwight would get increasingly frustrated and so his comments get increasingly longer and more thought-out even as they become mroe ridiculous

[bazcat89.livejournal.com]

He loves the Blair gifs.

and dwight is like DO YOU THINK THAT I AM INTIMIDATED BY SOME LITTLE GIRL THAT IS RIDICULOUS YOUR DEBATE METHODS ARE LAUGHABLE

[http://users.livejournal.com/_thirty2flavors/]

He uses tonnes of lolcats because he knows one day cats will be the demise of Dwangela

[bazcat89.livejournal.com]

He also uses that THIS BIRD HAS A MUSTACHE. YOUR ARGUMENT IS INVALID macro, A lot.

WHAT A STUPID CONCEPT EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT BIRDS ARE INCAPABLE OF GROWING FACIAL HAIR

[http://users.livejournal.com/_thirty2flavors/]

YES the [statement of fact; your argument is invalid] ones are his favourites.

sometimes he just posts Arrested Development .gifs

[bazcat89.livejournal.com]

He even posts some gifs of Kelly just to terrify Dwight. (because the Master has gone forward in time to watch the documentary)

[http://users.livejournal.com/_thirty2flavors/]

hat's when Dwight begins to suspect he's talking to Jim, and he gets all pissed off and starts yelling in real life, and for once, Jim is innocent

[bazcat89.livejournal.com]

And Jim is secretly curious and kind of pissed that someone freaked Dwight out so much.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_thirty2flavors/]

Jim has a secret level of respect for whomever was able to so freak out Dwight.

Meanwhile Dwight is like KELLY, DO NOT BE ALARMED, BUT YOUM AY HAVE A STALKER. HAVE YOU RECENTLY BEEN A WITNESS TO A MAJOR CRIME?

[bazcat89.livejournal.com]

And then the Master starts spamming Dwight with emails like SO HOW'S ANGELA DOING I HEARD YOU GUYS WERE GOING HOT AND HEAVY AT JIM'S BBQ and I CAN'T BELIEVE MICHAEL NAMED HIS FICTIONAL SIDEKICK AFTER YOU HOW INSULTING and Jim is so impressed that he sneaks into Dwight's email account and tries to get in touch with the Master.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_thirty2flavors/]

Oh my god, yes. Jim tries to be friends but the Master is just having none of that. WHY WOULD YOU LEAVE THE HOT BRUNETTE FOR THE WIMPY RECEPTIONIST? IS THAT SOMETHING IN YOUR EYE OR ARE YOU JUST A HUGE PUSSY?

[bazcat89.livejournal.com]

And that's when Jim and Dwight join forces against him.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_thirty2flavors/]

The Master replies to everything they do with Catherine Tate AM I BOVVERED?? videos

[bazcat89.livejournal.com]

LIRL YES THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT HE DOES

And then he types creepy stuff underneath like "SO DID YOU HAVE FUN BANGING PAM LAST NIGHT" and links to sites about the proper ways to euthanize cats.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_thirty2flavors/]

He has a .gif of her doing the LOOK AT MY FACE bit that he uses all the time.

YES and Dwight and Jim spend like an entire day trying to figure out who at Dunder Miffin is writing this shit.

[bazcat89.livejournal.com]

The Master has a secret crush on Donna/CTate

WHO IS THIS KEVIN I KNOW IT'S YOU so the Master responds with a gif of Kevin leering at Holly.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_thirty2flavors/]

Oh definietly. LIRL He would be so impressed with her, especially DoctorDonna. And Donna would be like DON'T TOUCH ME.

Everyone's confused because they don't even know who Holly is yet.