thirty2flavors (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
thirty2flavors) wrote2005-06-05 03:57 pm
thirty2flavors) wrote2005-06-05 03:57 pm
chapter seven -- swing swing
Heeeere's another chapter. The scene between Anna and James has been greatly edited and as a result so will subsequent chapters. Read it, please?
Chapter Seven - Swing Swing
I’ll find someone new
Swing, swing, swing
From the tangles of my heart
It’s crushed by a former love
Can you help me
Find a way to carry on again?
-Swing Swing, All American Rejects
In the roar of chatter that followed, there were only about five people who stayed quite quiet. That in itself did not last long, for in an instant Remus, Sirius and Peter were crossing the dance floor to meet Anna and Melanie, and the instant all five were together they burst into a fury of chatter. There was a general noise of accusation, and pretty soon all five had raised their voices, talking so hurriedly none was sure what the other was saying.
“I can’t believe he said that—“
“It’s about damned time, I tell you—“
“The nerve of him, accusing her of—“
“She didn’t have a damned idea, until now, not a damned clue—“
“I’m just worried about what tomorrow will bring. These two are not people you want to cross.”
“I can’t believe—“
“I’m so proud—“
“He had it coming—“
“She had it coming—“
“He only had himself to blame—“
“Everyone, calm down. Calm down. Calm down!”
It wasn’t until Remus yelled the last part that anyone complied. Sirius stopped sending daggers at Melanie and both Anna and Peter’s mouths snapped shut. The mere fact that the werewolf had raised his voice at all was a quick way to ensure they all shut up, because Remus never raised his voice. The instant they all complied, he let out a short exhale of relief, eyes closing temporarily.
“Thank you,” he added. They all nodded. “If we can all stop bickering for the moment, perhaps we can think of what exactly we’re supposed to do.”
Perhaps it was the sheer logic in that statement that rendered them all silent.
Perhaps it was the fact that none of them knew what to do.
“We ought to go after them,” Melanie offered. “To ensure they don’t throw themselves into the lake or out the Astronomy tower or something.”
There was a general murmur of consent. The fight had been of the caliber that both parties were likely to be experiencing a downside. For the most part, after the spats between the two, it was usually James who took things harder, although that was probably a direct result of him being the only one actually insulted in said fight. This time, though, Lily’d been just as involved, and since it was the first time James had even dared raise his voice to her, they were all quite eager to know how the Head Girl was reacting.
“I’ll go after him,” Sirius offered with a bit of a sigh, finishing off the cup of punch he’d gotten over the course of the night and setting it back down empty atop the table.
Remus and Peter nodded in agreement to the suggestion. It was pretty standard – Sirius was usually in charge of the aftermath cleanup, although in retrospect Remus was every bit as capable. It had sort of become routine, really – the one time they’d left it up to Peter, the boy had somehow managed to make James even more infuriated than he already had been and there’d quite nearly been a fistfight. It marked both the beginning and the end of Peter’s days as counselor.
“I’ll go after her,” Melanie said after a second. Anna shrugged to indicate she was impartial as to who got the lovely task, and the five stood in silence for a moment before both Sirius and Melanie pivoted on their heels and moved off in their respective directions.
Then there were three, and they exchanged uncomfortable glances. The three of them were stuck on one concept. Despite the many explosive arguments that had occurred between Lily and James before, this one took the cake, and the icing on the proverbial pastry was that this time, James had retaliated.
“Wow,” Peter remarked after a long moment of silence. Both Anna and Remus raised their heads to look at him.
“Agreed,” they said in unison.
--
Well, damn. That hadn’t gone according to plan.
With a huff James sank into a heap by the lake, staring at it blankly. Only now was it beginning to sink in that he’d just screamed at Lily Evans for the first time since they were eleven. Nearly six years and, in all likelihood, it’d be all for nothing, because he’d just screamed at her and embarrassed her in front of the entire senior years.
He snorted bitterly and shook his head.
She deserved it. After everything she’d done, everything she’d said, she deserved it. She deserved it for being so stubborn, she deserved it for being so close minded, and she damn well needed one of those reality checks she talked of so often.
Still, it was sort of disheartening. Oh, well. It wasn’t as though he needed her. No, he never had. She hadn’t wanted anything to do with him since first year, and he’d managed quite fine without her, thank-you kindly. He most certainly didn’t have to worry about her reaction to this. It would be hard for her to hate him more than she already did, at any rate.
It was nice to let it all out, anyway. He’d been holding back, biting his tongue for five and a half years and finally he’d let it all out.
Funny, he didn’t feel all that much better.
He had tried to be nice to her. He had been, hadn’t he? He helped her. He was polite to her, he was respectful, and still she refused to give him a second chance. That girl’s nose was so high in the air she missed things right under it.
He had changed since fifteen. He knew he had – why couldn’t Lily see it? Maybe she could. Maybe she could see it, and she was merely choosing to ignore it because Lily Evans never admitted her mistakes. Lily Evans was always right, that was why. Oh, no, Lily Evans couldn’t do any wrong.
But he had changed. He had to have changed. The rest of them saw it – at least he presumed they did. Dumbledore must have seen it, or there would be no way in hell James would have the Head Boy badge. True, James rather thought Dumbledore was an idiot for giving the badge to him, of all people, but the fact alone that he had Dumbledore’s trust had to be a good thing. Dumbledore, evidently, thought he was capable of making mature decisions and leading the group of students.
A weird thought, in James’ opinion, but it was still a good thing.
Why couldn’t Lily see that he had changed? Oh, sure, he wasn’t a saint, but really, who was? And he didn’t hex people anymore -- except for Snape, at least, but that slimy little git was always asking for it… Why hadn’t she noticed that, hey, mid sixth-year, he’d suddenly become much more… well, James didn’t really know what to call it. He did know, however, that more than just the dynamics of the quartet had changed the night Sirius decided to give Snape’s bravery – or idiocy, James wasn’t sure which – a test.
Figures. She sees every dirty look I send his way but she doesn’t see me save his life.
With a hiss of frustration, James let one hand fall to the cool grass next to him. It landed on a rock, and a moment after his fingers curled around it. Any moment, now… From the murky water James could make out some blurry shape rise out, and without hesitation he drew his arm back before snapping it forward. The rock, propelled with the strength and aim of a four-year star Chaser, hit the thing with a dull tick before it fell to the water with a plop. With an odd sort of noise the Giant Squid retracted into the water again and James returned the hand to his side, leaning back on the heels of his hands.
Goddamn. Had Lily been around, she probably would’ve gotten mad at him for ‘hurting an unsuspecting animal’. That girl and her bleeding heart. It was so bloody annoying. She thought everything she did was so perfect – she wasn’t. Not at all. She was so… so… with another snarl he threw another rock at the lake, and it broke the surface with a plop.
“You missed.”
James flinched at the sudden voice merely because it seemed to come from nowhere. It was only startling for the first second or so – then he looked to the left and noticed that Sirius had joined him and couldn’t honestly say he was surprised at all. It made sense that they’d send Sirius out to ‘check on him’. James wasn’t sure what they thought he might do but eh.
“I meant to,” James replied, turning his gaze forward to the lake once again. At his side, Sirius merely shook his head.
“So what was all that?” Sirius asked, eyes still focused on his friend. Enigma though he managed to remain to strangers, everyone close to James Potter knew they could read him like a book – it was terribly easy, really. His eyes, in particular, were telltale – Sirius had the feeling that was exactly why James was avoiding eye contact.
“That was everything I should have said to Evans six years ago,” James replied simply.
“I know that. Why now?”
James snorted. It was funny, really. He knew that each and every one of the simple questions Sirius was asking him were laced with motives and that each and every question he was answering made something else about himself painfully obvious. He was well aware that every answer he gave spoke volumes that only someone like Sirius would be able to pick up on.
“Her dress was ugly?” James suggested offhandedly.
It was a typical move, really, a typical comment in a conversation like this. It was one of the conversations that wasn’t quite pressing enough to require entire seriousness, yet wasn’t light enough to be all jokes. It was obvious that Sirius wanted to know more and would do so in a skillful, subtle way. James, usually, would try and dodge the topic entirely – with a comment like that. This evasive maneuver was almost always countered by a repeat of the original question.
“Why now, James?”
Damn, James thought lazily. Should’ve seen that coming. “Because she deserved it,” he said with a shrug, still purposefully avoiding Sirius’ purposeful gaze. When Sirius said nothing, he successfully prompted James into continuing. “Because for six years she’s treated me like shit and in all six of those years I haven’t done a damned thing to her. Because of the way she drags Mastronardi and Scully around with her everywhere and still acts like she’s better than them, because of the way she… she… she’s Evans.”
Leaning back on his hands, it occurred to Sirius that this might be unusually difficult. James would be quite concentrated on making sure that he himself didn’t care about the girl, and likewise James would be equally intent on convincing Sirius the same. Whether or not James was in the slightest bit remorseful about having snapped at Lily like that would be hard to tell, because even if he was, he wouldn’t be likely to admit it. Really, James didn’t seem too likely to open up.
Turning his gaze across the lake in a similar fashion, Sirius was silent for a second. The silence settled between the two of them for a moment, before at last Sirius shattered it.
“You said everything you haven’t allowed yourself to think for six years.”
Slightly to Sirius’ surprise, James sighed before he concurred.
“And you wish you hadn’t said it,” Sirius said. His eyes left the lake and wandered over to James again. The statement was a tester – give him a little taste of James’ reaction and see where it would go. A little subtle poke never hurt anyone.
The reaction wasn’t quite what Sirius was expecting. James’ head snapped in Sirius’ direction and one eyebrow had risen incredulously. “Wish I hadn’t said it?” he spat out instantly, voice quickly turning to the harsher tone reserved for angry outpourings. “Hell, Sirius, I’m glad I said it. If anything I wish I’d said it sooner. I wish I’d realized it sooner—Merlin, I should have listened to everyone who told me to drop the girl. I wasted nearly six years following that girl around letting her attack me in any way she could think of.”
The both of them turned their gazes to the lake again and Sirius couldn’t help but notice that with everything James said he contradicted it entirely with the tone of his voice. It was harsh, angry, and bitter, and the only reason Sirius hadn’t flinched was because he knew it was directed more towards the mere thought of Lily Evans than towards he himself. The tone said quite plainly that, although James was loathe to admit it, he was disappointed. In what, Sirius wasn’t quite sure.
Perhaps it was because the picture-perfect illusion of Lily Evans he’d worked up over the years had been shattered. James had finally realized that the girl had flaws, quite a lot of them, and the fact that she’d so often leapt down his throat had finally gotten to him. Perhaps he was disappointed that Lily wasn’t exactly the perfect, kind, made-for-him person he’d always lead himself to believe.
Perhaps he was disappointed because they’d all been right. Over the course of six years, for each time James had asked Lily out, Sirius, Peter, or someone else entirely would tell him to drop it, at least at a ratio of 1:3. Actually, probably the only person who had never used the words ‘give up already’ was Remus – he had tried to drop the hint that James ought to move on, but a lot less adamantly.
Or perhaps he was disappointed because the first time he’d gotten remotely close to Lily Evans in six years had ended in them screaming at each other. Perhaps most disappoint of all was the knowledge that after that the chances of anything spawning between he and Lily, ever, were about equal to the chances of Mrs. Black winning the Reader’s Digest Mother of the Year award. Maybe what got him most of all was that, although he had finally gotten some of that off his chest, he still hadn’t gotten that kiss.
Sirius was leaning towards the latter.
To his left, James was plucking a dandelion from its perch upon the rest of the weed. Sirius stared at him oddly for a moment, wondering silently what strange thing James would do now, when the Head Boy drew his wand out of his dress robes. A bit of a wand flicker and Sirius was reminded why James had been such a crucial component in their plot to become illegal, under aged, unregistered Animagi. It wasn’t an overly complex spell, but it was one they’d never learned in class, and Sirius was sure it was the kind of thing that just came out of thin air – the kind of thing one only manages in an area in which they are particularly talented.
The dandelion was replaced by a lily and the subtle way in which James replaced the wand to his pocket told Sirius that the other boy hadn’t noticed he was watching. Grasping the base of the bud between his thumb and his forefinger, James muttered the typical childhood rhyme to himself. “Momma had a baby and the head popped off.” And he flipped the bud into the lake.
Sirius stared at him. Suddenly feeling the weight of the stare, James glanced up and shrugged.
“You’re not going to apologize, then,” he deduced.
“Of course not,” James replied simply, tone calmer than it had been a minute previous. “I will not apologize to Lily Evans unless she apologizes to me for the last six years.”
“That’s never going to happen.”
“I know.”
“It’s ironic,” said Sirius after a moment of silence, “that you hate to love her almost as much as she loves to hate you.”
For the countless time that night Sirius’ head swiveled to look at James. This time, though, James caught the look and returned it, glancing over blankly. The fact he was willing to make eye contact was a good sign at least – it meant he was somewhat placated. Or rather, he was placated enough, at any rate, to allow Sirius to read him better.
“Shut up,” James said, eyes narrowing slightly. “I am not in love with Lily Evans.”
Sirius figured it was best not to argue and instead changed the subject. “Have you finally given up on her?”
If there is in fact a God, he thought silently, he will say yes.
“For now,” James replied with a shrug, looking out over the lake, where the Giant Squid had deemed it safe to return. “For now.”
Sirius merely heaved a sigh in response. He knew that, in James’ world, ‘for now’ was as good as a blatant ‘no’.
I always was an atheist.
--
Click, click, click.
Her heels were making the terribly annoying clatter against the stone floor, she noticed, as she swept from the Great Hall at a quick pace. She felt like Cinderella, nearly, rushing from the ball at the stroke of midnight to return home before anyone noticed – except she had both shoes intact and she’d gotten in a fight with Prince Charming, first.
Her chest was heaving, because running fast in these forsaken dress robes was challenging and her high heels weren’t cooperating, either. A hand rose to her face and she impatiently brushed away two rogue tears. Tears of frustration, she told herself, and because she was embarrassed. Embarrassed to have let James Potter have gotten anywhere near her, in the first place – it was not at all because of the things he’d said. No, Lily didn’t care what James Potter thought. She was glad he thought she was a bitch. Maybe now he’d leave her alone.
A month. A month at the least, he’d promised, and if within that month he dared say a word to her or come within five meters—
“Back so soon?”
The voice of the Fat Lady made her realize she’d already arrived at the common room. With a glare, Lily crossed her arms and nodded curtly. “Ternion venerate.” The Fat Lady swung open, still chattering away about why a young girl like Lily should be enjoying herself at the ball, but Lily ignored her and climbed into the Common Room anyway.
It was riddled with underclassmen. It wasn’t that late into the night, and it was a weekend, and resultantly a lot of the kids were up playing chess by the fire, doing homework or otherwise causing a load of noise. Several looked up from what they were doing, startled to see the Head Girl looking quite flustered and slightly red in the face. While the level of respect for Lily was nowhere near the sort of God-like worship most of the underclassmen had for Sirius and James in particular, it was still reasonably high, so it took a rogue forth year to ask, “bad dance?” Lily swept past the lot of them and up towards her dormitories without a word, which was answer enough.
She threw open the door and let it slam shut behind her, well aware that there was no one else present. Melanie and Anna were at the ball. Stuff was strewn across the room and the simple untidiness of it all got to her for the first time. She was in a particularly anal retentive mood, she noticed, and it was with a furious flurry that she threw Melanie’s hair curler off her bed, kicked Anna’s cosmetics bag from beneath her feet and sank back onto the comforter of her four-poster.
She let out a huff and reached up to pull her hair out. The hairstyle she had was perfectly designed for an easy take-out; Lily hated complicated up-do’s more than anything because they took forever to take out. Tossing the few bobby pins and hair ties to the ground in a completely hypocritical action, she shook the red tresses free and then fell back against her pillow with a huge sigh.
I knew this was a bad idea.
She closed her eyes and bit down on her lip, gently. Why had she agreed to dance with him? She was always so good at refusing him, why had she chosen then to let him get under her skin? Why had she complimented him? Why had she thought, even for a half second, that he was a good person? Why had she been so close to kissing him?
It had been nice. As much as she hated to admit it, for all of a minute it had been nice, dancing with him. He was a decent dancer and he hadn’t been saying anything and the music had been just right, and it had been nice. Stop the presses, for a moment or so on the dance floor Lily Evans had enjoyed James Potter’s company.
Then he’d tried to kiss her and it all went to hell.
How did he get away with that, trying to kiss her? Sure, things had gone pretty well, and they’d been treating each other civilly, but treating someone civilly is not an invitation to start snogging. She had by no means brought that on, had she? She had not batted her eyelashes and proclaimed, Gone with the Wind style, that she needed kissing, often, by someone who knew how. No, she’d only said that he was a good dancer, nothing more. He was a good dancer and they happened to like the same song. Wow. If she went around snogging everyone who was a good dancer and liked John Lennon she’d be a very busy woman indeed.
Why, then, asked the part of her mind Lily often did her best to ignore, were you about to kiss him back? Why had you leaned in so far? You could have slapped him the instant his eyes strayed to your lips, but you didn’t. You lead him on. You drew him in. You were about to kiss him. You were going to. Lily and James, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes—
“Lily?”
Jolted out of her reverie, Lily opened her almond shaped eyes to find herself staring into the light brown eyes of Melanie Mastronardi. Lily jerked her head backwards with a bit of a start before exhaling and rolling onto her back. Wow. She had been lost in thought – she hadn’t even heard Melanie enter.
“Yes?” she said simply, staring not at her friend but at the ceiling.
“Are you okay?”
The slight weight shift in the bed told Lily that Melanie had sat down. That meant it was interrogation time. Melanie, apparently, thought Lily actually cared what James Potter thought. Well, she was wrong. Of course she didn’t. She couldn’t have cared if he’d just voiced the opinion of everyone in the school. What if she was a goody-goody? What if she had higher standards than the others in the school? What if she expected a little more of people? Was that a crime?
“I’m fine, Melanie. Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Well, you just got in a fight with your local stalker, slapped him, and had a yelling match worthy of a soap opera.”
“All in a day’s work.”
Melanie let out a small sigh of laughter and shook her head. Glancing down at Lily, she arched an eyebrow. The girl was avoiding her gaze, an indicator that there was something, some… feeling that Lily didn’t want her to see. That was standard of the girl. She avoided eye contact if there was something she didn’t want you to see.
“Honestly, Lily. Are you okay? I mean, getting completely torn apart in front of all our peers isn’t a routine thing for you.”
Lily sighed and glanced to Melanie, staring her in the eye. It gave Melanie the impression Lily was trying to ward her off – a glance in the eye was Lily’s sort of way of saying it’s not working, hon.
“It’s Potter, Melanie. I don’t care what he thinks, and maybe now he’ll actually stay the hell away from me.”
“You know he won’t, Lily.”
“He may.”
They lapsed into silence for quite some time. Eventually, Melanie rose from her perch on Lily’s bed and moved over toward the full-length mirror, slowly beginning to dismantle her hair. Lily once more turned her gaze to the ceiling, sighing thoughtfully. It became obvious that Melanie was retiring from the night when she tugged her dress robes off and tossed them onto the sole armchair in the corner, reaching for her pajamas. Evidently, watching your best friend get in a huge argument with her stalker was quite tiring.
“Why, Lily?” she asked as she ran her hands through her hair, trying to straighten out the kinks of being tied up.
“He said he’d leave me alone for an entire month if I danced with him once,” was Lily’s reply.
Melanie had reached for her wand and with a wave of it removed the makeup from her face, terribly handy in a situation like today. Sighing, she glanced over her shoulder at the redhead who’d scarcely moved and shook her head.
“Not what I meant. Why were you about to kiss him?”
That sparked a reaction from Lily, much as Melanie expected. Lily’s head snapped in her friend’s direction and Lily’s eyes were narrowed, though not in an angry way. It was preposterous, her look said, to even suggest such a thing.
“I was not about to kiss him,” Lily insisted before she turned her head back on the pillow.
“You were so,” Melanie prodded, “You were a centimeter from his face before you slapped him. No wonder it surprised him.”
“He deserved it.”
“I never said he didn’t, Lily, I just said you leaned in.”
“I didn’t mean to,” Lily mumbled, somewhat defeated. Melanie snickered, lightly.
Conversation over for the moment, Melanie moved towards the bathrooms. She claimed she was exhausted from all the dancing, and when Lily pointed out she’d hardly done any dancing at all, Melanie scoffed. Lily used the opportunity alone to remove her makeup, put on her pajamas and get ready to curl into a ball in the corner of her bed. The day had been tiring for her, if no one else. Terribly tiring. Screaming at James Potter took effort, damnit.
As per usual with the night time routines of two teenage girls, by the time Lily – the second of the two – climbed into bed it was nearing twelve fifteen. Both were still awake, however, and Anna had not yet returned, so it was not long before the silence of the dorms was broken.
“Melanie?”
A groan to Lily’s right told her that Melanie had been somewhat dozed, and the familiar creak of the four poster said that the girl’s eyes would be fixed on Lily’s bed. It was dark in the rooms, and the chances of either being able to see at all weren’t particularly high, but the thought was there. It was much like everyone’s urge to stare around in a sleepover.
“Yeah?” the girl grumbled.
Lily bit her lip, hesitating for a moment. It was so foreign a concept, so hard to say, so hard to grasp…
“Do you think… do you think I was hard on him?”
The beat of silence that followed told Lily that Melanie had blinked and was probably staring blankly, wide-eyed. The mere thought that Lily Evans was second guessing something she’d said to James Potter – something derogatory – was historic. It was unheard of. It… was… incredible.
“You’ve always been hard on him,” was the brief reply, but Melanie no longer sounded quit ready to doze off. If anything, she was interested.
“… too hard?”
Melanie could hardly believe they were having this discussion. Another creak sounded as she rolled onto her back, staring at the ceiling she could no longer see.
“He earned it,” she replied. “Fifth year. He was horrible – and you were the only one who stood up to him. Congrats.” And then she shrugged, knowing full well that Lily wouldn’t see it. “But he’s not fifteen anymore. I don’t know, Lily. I don’t know him much better than you do. I don’t see much more of him than you do, I just don’t see him in the same jaded green light.”
Lily seemed to be considering her next question for a moment. Though it was too dark to see, Melanie could picture her nibbling on her bottom lip.
“Has he changed, Melanie? Honestly, has he changed?”
Melanie nodded. “He has, Lily. I’m not sure how much, but he has.”
Without a word, Lily tossed the covers off of her, rose to her feet, and headed to the stairwell in her nightgown.
--
At around eleven, James and Sirius had risen from their seats and headed back to the common room. Sirius had figured he wasn’t missing much at the dance, anyway – ‘the limelight had been stolen,’ he said, and Sirius Black never did anything unless there was limelight involved. Aside from that, his date had probably run off with someone else, although he didn’t particularly care. That was what you got when Lexi Cloutier was your date.
Sirius had headed up towards the dorms, but James had remained behind in the common room. With a flop down on the couch, he successfully warded everyone else away from him. James Potter had the sort of commanding presence that everyone respected him, and no one wanted to be caught alone with him when he was angry. He figured that was why those third year girls finished their game of chess so quickly and headed up to their dorms, leaving him alone.
He could have gone up to his dorms, but he didn’t want to. Not yet. Sirius would be busy updating Remus and Peter on his ‘status’, and he didn’t quite feel like socializing. Not particularly. Peter would be full of stupid questions and James wasn’t in the mood. He felt better, yes, but now he was tired, and he knew that the Common Room, for once, would be a better place to find solace than in the seventh year boy’s dormitories.
This is insane, he thought, eyes closed as he tilted his head back against the couch. It’s Evans. The girl who’s loathed me for years. She’s screamed at me, insulted me, slapped me, done everything in her power to make me feel an inch tall, and the only thing I did was return the favor. I do not need to apologize. I most certainly do not feel guilty.
No. Of course he didn’t. The girl asked for it. She’d earned it, over the course of six years. Maybe he hadn’t been a stand up guy at fifteen – maybe he had been more than a little cruel to Severus Snape – did that give her the right to write him off for the rest of his life? Everyone went through the invincible phase.
Slouching backwards, he let out a sigh. Perhaps the dance idea had been kamikaze.
He couldn’t help but feel a little odd that he and Lily had been the center of attention. He was used to it, really. He’d been the center of Hogwarts’ attention since he’d made the Quidditch team in third year and scored four goals the first game; he was used to limelight.
Lily wasn’t, though, and he felt just the slightest pang of remorse for dragging her into it.
“You’re still up?”
The voice of a female jerked him from his thoughts and he lifted his head, eyes opening. It took him a moment to locate the source of the voice – it was Anna, entering the common room for the first time since she’d left to go to the ball. Her dress robes were still on, as was her makeup, and she arched on eyebrow at him. He stared at her for a second before letting his head fall back to the position it had been in.
“Yeah,” he replied. “Don’t feel like being attacked by the barrage of questions I’ll get if I go upstairs.”
Anna made a general noise of agreement and moved across the couch, taking a seat next to him. James watched her for a second, and she stared back, before he arched an eyebrow and lifted his head up.
“You aren’t going to yell at me for making a fool out of Lily?”
Anna broke his gaze and shifted uncomfortably, bringing both legs to her side on the couch. “Lily’s always been better at yelling at people than I am,” she said, grinning a bit. “Besides, you’re already regretting it, aren’t you?”
“No,” he said simply, glaring.
Anna only smiled. “If you say so.”
James sighed. She didn’t believe him… but too bad.
“How was the dance?” he asked after a moment of silence had passed.
“Horrible,” was the reply. “After you left, no one really wanted to dance. Everyone was too busy talking about you and Lily to care what the hell was going on in their own lives. Everyone stopped dancing, the talking was so loud you could scarcely hear the music, the food was horrible, and I spent the whole night with Peter and Remus.”
“You poor person,” he remarked, arching an eyebrow. Kidding, of course – he oftentimes spent the whole night, day, or whatever period of time it was with merely Remus and Peter.
“Oh yeah.”
They settled into silence for a moment again. He was quiet, and the silence was awkward, so Anna decided to prod for a bit of answers. A barrage of questions? Not quite.
“You going to apologize?”
Her head turned to him about the same time he turned to look at her.
“Are you implying I should?”
“No.”
“Then why ask?”
“Because you always cave before Lily does.”
James narrowed his eyes at her for a second, though not in an angry way, before sighing and shaking his head. “I know,” he replied, staring at the rug on the floor. “I know.”
“I don’t think you should.”
That startled him and he looked up, staring at her. That was the kind of thing he would anticipate more from Sirius or Peter, not from Anna, one of Lily’s best friends. They certainly weren’t enemies, not by a long shot, but they weren’t more than casual friends. They talked, occasionally. They got along. They’d functioned quite fine on their own that time in Potions when they’d been paired together. Truth of the matter was, really, it’s hard to get to know someone when for six years you’ve been trying desperately to win over their best friend.
Maybe now’s a chance, he thought.
“Why’s that?” he asked carefully, watching her.
“…Because,” Anna replied slowly. She shifted her weight and leaned a bit towards him, meeting his gaze. One arm draped across the back of the couch and the other sat folded in her lap, between her and him. “I think she should apologize, this time.”
The thought was a foreign one. When he told Sirius he would not be apologizing unless the girl did it first, he hadn’t honestly expected the girl to apologize. Lily never apologized to anyone, not that he saw, and especially not to him.
“And why’s that?”
“Because… because… just this once, I think maybe you should hold out.” She grinned a bit. “It’d make you seem a lot less lovesick, for one.”
James sent her another indignant glare. Honestly, people tonight… “I’m not lovesick.”
Once again, Anna just smiled and James sighed. When was it he’d lost all credibility regarding his own lovelife?
For some reason, the silence this time wasn’t as awkward.
“Well, in any case,” James began, “I’m sorry to ruin your evening.”
“You didn’t,” Anna said with a sad shake of her head. “Remus, Peter and I had several captivating conversations about the bizarre antics of Professor Cornelius.”
“Well, I’m sorry anyway.”
Anna glared, but the look in her eye told him she was kidding. “You should be. I missed several snogging opportunities.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You should be.”
They both snickered and fell into silence.
Anna’s head tilted to the side and a knowing grin crept onto her face. Although he did not know her well, James got the distinct impression gears somewhere in her head were clicking away. It was bizarre, having the girl peer at him like that, like she’d had some miraculous revelation.
“You look nice, by the way,” James said, clearing his throat.
“Thanks,” she replied, brushing her hair behind her ear reflexively, “as do you. Post-argument and all.”
James grinned. “Thanks.”
The girl was gazing intently at him again and for once, James felt slightly self-conscious. What was she so fascinated by? It was eerie, almost. It looked as though her mind was somewhere else entirely, far, far away from the secluded common room with the crackling fire.
“I’ve got an idea,” she said finally, eyebrows rising and mouth breaking into a grin.
James stared at her dumbly. “Oh?”
“Oh,” repeated Anna, and with that she bridged the distance between the two of them to lift her mouth to his ear.
It was, ironically, at that moment Lily cast her gaze around the edge of the stairwell. There was James, on the sofa, and there was Anna, and -- what in Godric’s name were they doing? James looked dazed and Anna craning forward… surely… Anna wasn’t… leeching off of his neck like that?
What was Anna thinking? What was she doing? Why, why would she be doing it?
And this, thought Lily, is why you never apologize to James Potter. Everyone else worships him, anyway -- you can't have done any real damage.
Pivoting on her heel, she was up the stairs and back into the dorm haughtily before neither Anna nor James could catch a glimpse of her.
---
Comments are always lovely. =)
<3
Kali
Chapter Seven - Swing Swing
I’ll find someone new
Swing, swing, swing
From the tangles of my heart
It’s crushed by a former love
Can you help me
Find a way to carry on again?
-Swing Swing, All American Rejects
In the roar of chatter that followed, there were only about five people who stayed quite quiet. That in itself did not last long, for in an instant Remus, Sirius and Peter were crossing the dance floor to meet Anna and Melanie, and the instant all five were together they burst into a fury of chatter. There was a general noise of accusation, and pretty soon all five had raised their voices, talking so hurriedly none was sure what the other was saying.
“I can’t believe he said that—“
“It’s about damned time, I tell you—“
“The nerve of him, accusing her of—“
“She didn’t have a damned idea, until now, not a damned clue—“
“I’m just worried about what tomorrow will bring. These two are not people you want to cross.”
“I can’t believe—“
“I’m so proud—“
“He had it coming—“
“She had it coming—“
“He only had himself to blame—“
“Everyone, calm down. Calm down. Calm down!”
It wasn’t until Remus yelled the last part that anyone complied. Sirius stopped sending daggers at Melanie and both Anna and Peter’s mouths snapped shut. The mere fact that the werewolf had raised his voice at all was a quick way to ensure they all shut up, because Remus never raised his voice. The instant they all complied, he let out a short exhale of relief, eyes closing temporarily.
“Thank you,” he added. They all nodded. “If we can all stop bickering for the moment, perhaps we can think of what exactly we’re supposed to do.”
Perhaps it was the sheer logic in that statement that rendered them all silent.
Perhaps it was the fact that none of them knew what to do.
“We ought to go after them,” Melanie offered. “To ensure they don’t throw themselves into the lake or out the Astronomy tower or something.”
There was a general murmur of consent. The fight had been of the caliber that both parties were likely to be experiencing a downside. For the most part, after the spats between the two, it was usually James who took things harder, although that was probably a direct result of him being the only one actually insulted in said fight. This time, though, Lily’d been just as involved, and since it was the first time James had even dared raise his voice to her, they were all quite eager to know how the Head Girl was reacting.
“I’ll go after him,” Sirius offered with a bit of a sigh, finishing off the cup of punch he’d gotten over the course of the night and setting it back down empty atop the table.
Remus and Peter nodded in agreement to the suggestion. It was pretty standard – Sirius was usually in charge of the aftermath cleanup, although in retrospect Remus was every bit as capable. It had sort of become routine, really – the one time they’d left it up to Peter, the boy had somehow managed to make James even more infuriated than he already had been and there’d quite nearly been a fistfight. It marked both the beginning and the end of Peter’s days as counselor.
“I’ll go after her,” Melanie said after a second. Anna shrugged to indicate she was impartial as to who got the lovely task, and the five stood in silence for a moment before both Sirius and Melanie pivoted on their heels and moved off in their respective directions.
Then there were three, and they exchanged uncomfortable glances. The three of them were stuck on one concept. Despite the many explosive arguments that had occurred between Lily and James before, this one took the cake, and the icing on the proverbial pastry was that this time, James had retaliated.
“Wow,” Peter remarked after a long moment of silence. Both Anna and Remus raised their heads to look at him.
“Agreed,” they said in unison.
--
Well, damn. That hadn’t gone according to plan.
With a huff James sank into a heap by the lake, staring at it blankly. Only now was it beginning to sink in that he’d just screamed at Lily Evans for the first time since they were eleven. Nearly six years and, in all likelihood, it’d be all for nothing, because he’d just screamed at her and embarrassed her in front of the entire senior years.
He snorted bitterly and shook his head.
She deserved it. After everything she’d done, everything she’d said, she deserved it. She deserved it for being so stubborn, she deserved it for being so close minded, and she damn well needed one of those reality checks she talked of so often.
Still, it was sort of disheartening. Oh, well. It wasn’t as though he needed her. No, he never had. She hadn’t wanted anything to do with him since first year, and he’d managed quite fine without her, thank-you kindly. He most certainly didn’t have to worry about her reaction to this. It would be hard for her to hate him more than she already did, at any rate.
It was nice to let it all out, anyway. He’d been holding back, biting his tongue for five and a half years and finally he’d let it all out.
Funny, he didn’t feel all that much better.
He had tried to be nice to her. He had been, hadn’t he? He helped her. He was polite to her, he was respectful, and still she refused to give him a second chance. That girl’s nose was so high in the air she missed things right under it.
He had changed since fifteen. He knew he had – why couldn’t Lily see it? Maybe she could. Maybe she could see it, and she was merely choosing to ignore it because Lily Evans never admitted her mistakes. Lily Evans was always right, that was why. Oh, no, Lily Evans couldn’t do any wrong.
But he had changed. He had to have changed. The rest of them saw it – at least he presumed they did. Dumbledore must have seen it, or there would be no way in hell James would have the Head Boy badge. True, James rather thought Dumbledore was an idiot for giving the badge to him, of all people, but the fact alone that he had Dumbledore’s trust had to be a good thing. Dumbledore, evidently, thought he was capable of making mature decisions and leading the group of students.
A weird thought, in James’ opinion, but it was still a good thing.
Why couldn’t Lily see that he had changed? Oh, sure, he wasn’t a saint, but really, who was? And he didn’t hex people anymore -- except for Snape, at least, but that slimy little git was always asking for it… Why hadn’t she noticed that, hey, mid sixth-year, he’d suddenly become much more… well, James didn’t really know what to call it. He did know, however, that more than just the dynamics of the quartet had changed the night Sirius decided to give Snape’s bravery – or idiocy, James wasn’t sure which – a test.
Figures. She sees every dirty look I send his way but she doesn’t see me save his life.
With a hiss of frustration, James let one hand fall to the cool grass next to him. It landed on a rock, and a moment after his fingers curled around it. Any moment, now… From the murky water James could make out some blurry shape rise out, and without hesitation he drew his arm back before snapping it forward. The rock, propelled with the strength and aim of a four-year star Chaser, hit the thing with a dull tick before it fell to the water with a plop. With an odd sort of noise the Giant Squid retracted into the water again and James returned the hand to his side, leaning back on the heels of his hands.
Goddamn. Had Lily been around, she probably would’ve gotten mad at him for ‘hurting an unsuspecting animal’. That girl and her bleeding heart. It was so bloody annoying. She thought everything she did was so perfect – she wasn’t. Not at all. She was so… so… with another snarl he threw another rock at the lake, and it broke the surface with a plop.
“You missed.”
James flinched at the sudden voice merely because it seemed to come from nowhere. It was only startling for the first second or so – then he looked to the left and noticed that Sirius had joined him and couldn’t honestly say he was surprised at all. It made sense that they’d send Sirius out to ‘check on him’. James wasn’t sure what they thought he might do but eh.
“I meant to,” James replied, turning his gaze forward to the lake once again. At his side, Sirius merely shook his head.
“So what was all that?” Sirius asked, eyes still focused on his friend. Enigma though he managed to remain to strangers, everyone close to James Potter knew they could read him like a book – it was terribly easy, really. His eyes, in particular, were telltale – Sirius had the feeling that was exactly why James was avoiding eye contact.
“That was everything I should have said to Evans six years ago,” James replied simply.
“I know that. Why now?”
James snorted. It was funny, really. He knew that each and every one of the simple questions Sirius was asking him were laced with motives and that each and every question he was answering made something else about himself painfully obvious. He was well aware that every answer he gave spoke volumes that only someone like Sirius would be able to pick up on.
“Her dress was ugly?” James suggested offhandedly.
It was a typical move, really, a typical comment in a conversation like this. It was one of the conversations that wasn’t quite pressing enough to require entire seriousness, yet wasn’t light enough to be all jokes. It was obvious that Sirius wanted to know more and would do so in a skillful, subtle way. James, usually, would try and dodge the topic entirely – with a comment like that. This evasive maneuver was almost always countered by a repeat of the original question.
“Why now, James?”
Damn, James thought lazily. Should’ve seen that coming. “Because she deserved it,” he said with a shrug, still purposefully avoiding Sirius’ purposeful gaze. When Sirius said nothing, he successfully prompted James into continuing. “Because for six years she’s treated me like shit and in all six of those years I haven’t done a damned thing to her. Because of the way she drags Mastronardi and Scully around with her everywhere and still acts like she’s better than them, because of the way she… she… she’s Evans.”
Leaning back on his hands, it occurred to Sirius that this might be unusually difficult. James would be quite concentrated on making sure that he himself didn’t care about the girl, and likewise James would be equally intent on convincing Sirius the same. Whether or not James was in the slightest bit remorseful about having snapped at Lily like that would be hard to tell, because even if he was, he wouldn’t be likely to admit it. Really, James didn’t seem too likely to open up.
Turning his gaze across the lake in a similar fashion, Sirius was silent for a second. The silence settled between the two of them for a moment, before at last Sirius shattered it.
“You said everything you haven’t allowed yourself to think for six years.”
Slightly to Sirius’ surprise, James sighed before he concurred.
“And you wish you hadn’t said it,” Sirius said. His eyes left the lake and wandered over to James again. The statement was a tester – give him a little taste of James’ reaction and see where it would go. A little subtle poke never hurt anyone.
The reaction wasn’t quite what Sirius was expecting. James’ head snapped in Sirius’ direction and one eyebrow had risen incredulously. “Wish I hadn’t said it?” he spat out instantly, voice quickly turning to the harsher tone reserved for angry outpourings. “Hell, Sirius, I’m glad I said it. If anything I wish I’d said it sooner. I wish I’d realized it sooner—Merlin, I should have listened to everyone who told me to drop the girl. I wasted nearly six years following that girl around letting her attack me in any way she could think of.”
The both of them turned their gazes to the lake again and Sirius couldn’t help but notice that with everything James said he contradicted it entirely with the tone of his voice. It was harsh, angry, and bitter, and the only reason Sirius hadn’t flinched was because he knew it was directed more towards the mere thought of Lily Evans than towards he himself. The tone said quite plainly that, although James was loathe to admit it, he was disappointed. In what, Sirius wasn’t quite sure.
Perhaps it was because the picture-perfect illusion of Lily Evans he’d worked up over the years had been shattered. James had finally realized that the girl had flaws, quite a lot of them, and the fact that she’d so often leapt down his throat had finally gotten to him. Perhaps he was disappointed that Lily wasn’t exactly the perfect, kind, made-for-him person he’d always lead himself to believe.
Perhaps he was disappointed because they’d all been right. Over the course of six years, for each time James had asked Lily out, Sirius, Peter, or someone else entirely would tell him to drop it, at least at a ratio of 1:3. Actually, probably the only person who had never used the words ‘give up already’ was Remus – he had tried to drop the hint that James ought to move on, but a lot less adamantly.
Or perhaps he was disappointed because the first time he’d gotten remotely close to Lily Evans in six years had ended in them screaming at each other. Perhaps most disappoint of all was the knowledge that after that the chances of anything spawning between he and Lily, ever, were about equal to the chances of Mrs. Black winning the Reader’s Digest Mother of the Year award. Maybe what got him most of all was that, although he had finally gotten some of that off his chest, he still hadn’t gotten that kiss.
Sirius was leaning towards the latter.
To his left, James was plucking a dandelion from its perch upon the rest of the weed. Sirius stared at him oddly for a moment, wondering silently what strange thing James would do now, when the Head Boy drew his wand out of his dress robes. A bit of a wand flicker and Sirius was reminded why James had been such a crucial component in their plot to become illegal, under aged, unregistered Animagi. It wasn’t an overly complex spell, but it was one they’d never learned in class, and Sirius was sure it was the kind of thing that just came out of thin air – the kind of thing one only manages in an area in which they are particularly talented.
The dandelion was replaced by a lily and the subtle way in which James replaced the wand to his pocket told Sirius that the other boy hadn’t noticed he was watching. Grasping the base of the bud between his thumb and his forefinger, James muttered the typical childhood rhyme to himself. “Momma had a baby and the head popped off.” And he flipped the bud into the lake.
Sirius stared at him. Suddenly feeling the weight of the stare, James glanced up and shrugged.
“You’re not going to apologize, then,” he deduced.
“Of course not,” James replied simply, tone calmer than it had been a minute previous. “I will not apologize to Lily Evans unless she apologizes to me for the last six years.”
“That’s never going to happen.”
“I know.”
“It’s ironic,” said Sirius after a moment of silence, “that you hate to love her almost as much as she loves to hate you.”
For the countless time that night Sirius’ head swiveled to look at James. This time, though, James caught the look and returned it, glancing over blankly. The fact he was willing to make eye contact was a good sign at least – it meant he was somewhat placated. Or rather, he was placated enough, at any rate, to allow Sirius to read him better.
“Shut up,” James said, eyes narrowing slightly. “I am not in love with Lily Evans.”
Sirius figured it was best not to argue and instead changed the subject. “Have you finally given up on her?”
If there is in fact a God, he thought silently, he will say yes.
“For now,” James replied with a shrug, looking out over the lake, where the Giant Squid had deemed it safe to return. “For now.”
Sirius merely heaved a sigh in response. He knew that, in James’ world, ‘for now’ was as good as a blatant ‘no’.
I always was an atheist.
--
Click, click, click.
Her heels were making the terribly annoying clatter against the stone floor, she noticed, as she swept from the Great Hall at a quick pace. She felt like Cinderella, nearly, rushing from the ball at the stroke of midnight to return home before anyone noticed – except she had both shoes intact and she’d gotten in a fight with Prince Charming, first.
Her chest was heaving, because running fast in these forsaken dress robes was challenging and her high heels weren’t cooperating, either. A hand rose to her face and she impatiently brushed away two rogue tears. Tears of frustration, she told herself, and because she was embarrassed. Embarrassed to have let James Potter have gotten anywhere near her, in the first place – it was not at all because of the things he’d said. No, Lily didn’t care what James Potter thought. She was glad he thought she was a bitch. Maybe now he’d leave her alone.
A month. A month at the least, he’d promised, and if within that month he dared say a word to her or come within five meters—
“Back so soon?”
The voice of the Fat Lady made her realize she’d already arrived at the common room. With a glare, Lily crossed her arms and nodded curtly. “Ternion venerate.” The Fat Lady swung open, still chattering away about why a young girl like Lily should be enjoying herself at the ball, but Lily ignored her and climbed into the Common Room anyway.
It was riddled with underclassmen. It wasn’t that late into the night, and it was a weekend, and resultantly a lot of the kids were up playing chess by the fire, doing homework or otherwise causing a load of noise. Several looked up from what they were doing, startled to see the Head Girl looking quite flustered and slightly red in the face. While the level of respect for Lily was nowhere near the sort of God-like worship most of the underclassmen had for Sirius and James in particular, it was still reasonably high, so it took a rogue forth year to ask, “bad dance?” Lily swept past the lot of them and up towards her dormitories without a word, which was answer enough.
She threw open the door and let it slam shut behind her, well aware that there was no one else present. Melanie and Anna were at the ball. Stuff was strewn across the room and the simple untidiness of it all got to her for the first time. She was in a particularly anal retentive mood, she noticed, and it was with a furious flurry that she threw Melanie’s hair curler off her bed, kicked Anna’s cosmetics bag from beneath her feet and sank back onto the comforter of her four-poster.
She let out a huff and reached up to pull her hair out. The hairstyle she had was perfectly designed for an easy take-out; Lily hated complicated up-do’s more than anything because they took forever to take out. Tossing the few bobby pins and hair ties to the ground in a completely hypocritical action, she shook the red tresses free and then fell back against her pillow with a huge sigh.
I knew this was a bad idea.
She closed her eyes and bit down on her lip, gently. Why had she agreed to dance with him? She was always so good at refusing him, why had she chosen then to let him get under her skin? Why had she complimented him? Why had she thought, even for a half second, that he was a good person? Why had she been so close to kissing him?
It had been nice. As much as she hated to admit it, for all of a minute it had been nice, dancing with him. He was a decent dancer and he hadn’t been saying anything and the music had been just right, and it had been nice. Stop the presses, for a moment or so on the dance floor Lily Evans had enjoyed James Potter’s company.
Then he’d tried to kiss her and it all went to hell.
How did he get away with that, trying to kiss her? Sure, things had gone pretty well, and they’d been treating each other civilly, but treating someone civilly is not an invitation to start snogging. She had by no means brought that on, had she? She had not batted her eyelashes and proclaimed, Gone with the Wind style, that she needed kissing, often, by someone who knew how. No, she’d only said that he was a good dancer, nothing more. He was a good dancer and they happened to like the same song. Wow. If she went around snogging everyone who was a good dancer and liked John Lennon she’d be a very busy woman indeed.
Why, then, asked the part of her mind Lily often did her best to ignore, were you about to kiss him back? Why had you leaned in so far? You could have slapped him the instant his eyes strayed to your lips, but you didn’t. You lead him on. You drew him in. You were about to kiss him. You were going to. Lily and James, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes—
“Lily?”
Jolted out of her reverie, Lily opened her almond shaped eyes to find herself staring into the light brown eyes of Melanie Mastronardi. Lily jerked her head backwards with a bit of a start before exhaling and rolling onto her back. Wow. She had been lost in thought – she hadn’t even heard Melanie enter.
“Yes?” she said simply, staring not at her friend but at the ceiling.
“Are you okay?”
The slight weight shift in the bed told Lily that Melanie had sat down. That meant it was interrogation time. Melanie, apparently, thought Lily actually cared what James Potter thought. Well, she was wrong. Of course she didn’t. She couldn’t have cared if he’d just voiced the opinion of everyone in the school. What if she was a goody-goody? What if she had higher standards than the others in the school? What if she expected a little more of people? Was that a crime?
“I’m fine, Melanie. Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Well, you just got in a fight with your local stalker, slapped him, and had a yelling match worthy of a soap opera.”
“All in a day’s work.”
Melanie let out a small sigh of laughter and shook her head. Glancing down at Lily, she arched an eyebrow. The girl was avoiding her gaze, an indicator that there was something, some… feeling that Lily didn’t want her to see. That was standard of the girl. She avoided eye contact if there was something she didn’t want you to see.
“Honestly, Lily. Are you okay? I mean, getting completely torn apart in front of all our peers isn’t a routine thing for you.”
Lily sighed and glanced to Melanie, staring her in the eye. It gave Melanie the impression Lily was trying to ward her off – a glance in the eye was Lily’s sort of way of saying it’s not working, hon.
“It’s Potter, Melanie. I don’t care what he thinks, and maybe now he’ll actually stay the hell away from me.”
“You know he won’t, Lily.”
“He may.”
They lapsed into silence for quite some time. Eventually, Melanie rose from her perch on Lily’s bed and moved over toward the full-length mirror, slowly beginning to dismantle her hair. Lily once more turned her gaze to the ceiling, sighing thoughtfully. It became obvious that Melanie was retiring from the night when she tugged her dress robes off and tossed them onto the sole armchair in the corner, reaching for her pajamas. Evidently, watching your best friend get in a huge argument with her stalker was quite tiring.
“Why, Lily?” she asked as she ran her hands through her hair, trying to straighten out the kinks of being tied up.
“He said he’d leave me alone for an entire month if I danced with him once,” was Lily’s reply.
Melanie had reached for her wand and with a wave of it removed the makeup from her face, terribly handy in a situation like today. Sighing, she glanced over her shoulder at the redhead who’d scarcely moved and shook her head.
“Not what I meant. Why were you about to kiss him?”
That sparked a reaction from Lily, much as Melanie expected. Lily’s head snapped in her friend’s direction and Lily’s eyes were narrowed, though not in an angry way. It was preposterous, her look said, to even suggest such a thing.
“I was not about to kiss him,” Lily insisted before she turned her head back on the pillow.
“You were so,” Melanie prodded, “You were a centimeter from his face before you slapped him. No wonder it surprised him.”
“He deserved it.”
“I never said he didn’t, Lily, I just said you leaned in.”
“I didn’t mean to,” Lily mumbled, somewhat defeated. Melanie snickered, lightly.
Conversation over for the moment, Melanie moved towards the bathrooms. She claimed she was exhausted from all the dancing, and when Lily pointed out she’d hardly done any dancing at all, Melanie scoffed. Lily used the opportunity alone to remove her makeup, put on her pajamas and get ready to curl into a ball in the corner of her bed. The day had been tiring for her, if no one else. Terribly tiring. Screaming at James Potter took effort, damnit.
As per usual with the night time routines of two teenage girls, by the time Lily – the second of the two – climbed into bed it was nearing twelve fifteen. Both were still awake, however, and Anna had not yet returned, so it was not long before the silence of the dorms was broken.
“Melanie?”
A groan to Lily’s right told her that Melanie had been somewhat dozed, and the familiar creak of the four poster said that the girl’s eyes would be fixed on Lily’s bed. It was dark in the rooms, and the chances of either being able to see at all weren’t particularly high, but the thought was there. It was much like everyone’s urge to stare around in a sleepover.
“Yeah?” the girl grumbled.
Lily bit her lip, hesitating for a moment. It was so foreign a concept, so hard to say, so hard to grasp…
“Do you think… do you think I was hard on him?”
The beat of silence that followed told Lily that Melanie had blinked and was probably staring blankly, wide-eyed. The mere thought that Lily Evans was second guessing something she’d said to James Potter – something derogatory – was historic. It was unheard of. It… was… incredible.
“You’ve always been hard on him,” was the brief reply, but Melanie no longer sounded quit ready to doze off. If anything, she was interested.
“… too hard?”
Melanie could hardly believe they were having this discussion. Another creak sounded as she rolled onto her back, staring at the ceiling she could no longer see.
“He earned it,” she replied. “Fifth year. He was horrible – and you were the only one who stood up to him. Congrats.” And then she shrugged, knowing full well that Lily wouldn’t see it. “But he’s not fifteen anymore. I don’t know, Lily. I don’t know him much better than you do. I don’t see much more of him than you do, I just don’t see him in the same jaded green light.”
Lily seemed to be considering her next question for a moment. Though it was too dark to see, Melanie could picture her nibbling on her bottom lip.
“Has he changed, Melanie? Honestly, has he changed?”
Melanie nodded. “He has, Lily. I’m not sure how much, but he has.”
Without a word, Lily tossed the covers off of her, rose to her feet, and headed to the stairwell in her nightgown.
--
At around eleven, James and Sirius had risen from their seats and headed back to the common room. Sirius had figured he wasn’t missing much at the dance, anyway – ‘the limelight had been stolen,’ he said, and Sirius Black never did anything unless there was limelight involved. Aside from that, his date had probably run off with someone else, although he didn’t particularly care. That was what you got when Lexi Cloutier was your date.
Sirius had headed up towards the dorms, but James had remained behind in the common room. With a flop down on the couch, he successfully warded everyone else away from him. James Potter had the sort of commanding presence that everyone respected him, and no one wanted to be caught alone with him when he was angry. He figured that was why those third year girls finished their game of chess so quickly and headed up to their dorms, leaving him alone.
He could have gone up to his dorms, but he didn’t want to. Not yet. Sirius would be busy updating Remus and Peter on his ‘status’, and he didn’t quite feel like socializing. Not particularly. Peter would be full of stupid questions and James wasn’t in the mood. He felt better, yes, but now he was tired, and he knew that the Common Room, for once, would be a better place to find solace than in the seventh year boy’s dormitories.
This is insane, he thought, eyes closed as he tilted his head back against the couch. It’s Evans. The girl who’s loathed me for years. She’s screamed at me, insulted me, slapped me, done everything in her power to make me feel an inch tall, and the only thing I did was return the favor. I do not need to apologize. I most certainly do not feel guilty.
No. Of course he didn’t. The girl asked for it. She’d earned it, over the course of six years. Maybe he hadn’t been a stand up guy at fifteen – maybe he had been more than a little cruel to Severus Snape – did that give her the right to write him off for the rest of his life? Everyone went through the invincible phase.
Slouching backwards, he let out a sigh. Perhaps the dance idea had been kamikaze.
He couldn’t help but feel a little odd that he and Lily had been the center of attention. He was used to it, really. He’d been the center of Hogwarts’ attention since he’d made the Quidditch team in third year and scored four goals the first game; he was used to limelight.
Lily wasn’t, though, and he felt just the slightest pang of remorse for dragging her into it.
“You’re still up?”
The voice of a female jerked him from his thoughts and he lifted his head, eyes opening. It took him a moment to locate the source of the voice – it was Anna, entering the common room for the first time since she’d left to go to the ball. Her dress robes were still on, as was her makeup, and she arched on eyebrow at him. He stared at her for a second before letting his head fall back to the position it had been in.
“Yeah,” he replied. “Don’t feel like being attacked by the barrage of questions I’ll get if I go upstairs.”
Anna made a general noise of agreement and moved across the couch, taking a seat next to him. James watched her for a second, and she stared back, before he arched an eyebrow and lifted his head up.
“You aren’t going to yell at me for making a fool out of Lily?”
Anna broke his gaze and shifted uncomfortably, bringing both legs to her side on the couch. “Lily’s always been better at yelling at people than I am,” she said, grinning a bit. “Besides, you’re already regretting it, aren’t you?”
“No,” he said simply, glaring.
Anna only smiled. “If you say so.”
James sighed. She didn’t believe him… but too bad.
“How was the dance?” he asked after a moment of silence had passed.
“Horrible,” was the reply. “After you left, no one really wanted to dance. Everyone was too busy talking about you and Lily to care what the hell was going on in their own lives. Everyone stopped dancing, the talking was so loud you could scarcely hear the music, the food was horrible, and I spent the whole night with Peter and Remus.”
“You poor person,” he remarked, arching an eyebrow. Kidding, of course – he oftentimes spent the whole night, day, or whatever period of time it was with merely Remus and Peter.
“Oh yeah.”
They settled into silence for a moment again. He was quiet, and the silence was awkward, so Anna decided to prod for a bit of answers. A barrage of questions? Not quite.
“You going to apologize?”
Her head turned to him about the same time he turned to look at her.
“Are you implying I should?”
“No.”
“Then why ask?”
“Because you always cave before Lily does.”
James narrowed his eyes at her for a second, though not in an angry way, before sighing and shaking his head. “I know,” he replied, staring at the rug on the floor. “I know.”
“I don’t think you should.”
That startled him and he looked up, staring at her. That was the kind of thing he would anticipate more from Sirius or Peter, not from Anna, one of Lily’s best friends. They certainly weren’t enemies, not by a long shot, but they weren’t more than casual friends. They talked, occasionally. They got along. They’d functioned quite fine on their own that time in Potions when they’d been paired together. Truth of the matter was, really, it’s hard to get to know someone when for six years you’ve been trying desperately to win over their best friend.
Maybe now’s a chance, he thought.
“Why’s that?” he asked carefully, watching her.
“…Because,” Anna replied slowly. She shifted her weight and leaned a bit towards him, meeting his gaze. One arm draped across the back of the couch and the other sat folded in her lap, between her and him. “I think she should apologize, this time.”
The thought was a foreign one. When he told Sirius he would not be apologizing unless the girl did it first, he hadn’t honestly expected the girl to apologize. Lily never apologized to anyone, not that he saw, and especially not to him.
“And why’s that?”
“Because… because… just this once, I think maybe you should hold out.” She grinned a bit. “It’d make you seem a lot less lovesick, for one.”
James sent her another indignant glare. Honestly, people tonight… “I’m not lovesick.”
Once again, Anna just smiled and James sighed. When was it he’d lost all credibility regarding his own lovelife?
For some reason, the silence this time wasn’t as awkward.
“Well, in any case,” James began, “I’m sorry to ruin your evening.”
“You didn’t,” Anna said with a sad shake of her head. “Remus, Peter and I had several captivating conversations about the bizarre antics of Professor Cornelius.”
“Well, I’m sorry anyway.”
Anna glared, but the look in her eye told him she was kidding. “You should be. I missed several snogging opportunities.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You should be.”
They both snickered and fell into silence.
Anna’s head tilted to the side and a knowing grin crept onto her face. Although he did not know her well, James got the distinct impression gears somewhere in her head were clicking away. It was bizarre, having the girl peer at him like that, like she’d had some miraculous revelation.
“You look nice, by the way,” James said, clearing his throat.
“Thanks,” she replied, brushing her hair behind her ear reflexively, “as do you. Post-argument and all.”
James grinned. “Thanks.”
The girl was gazing intently at him again and for once, James felt slightly self-conscious. What was she so fascinated by? It was eerie, almost. It looked as though her mind was somewhere else entirely, far, far away from the secluded common room with the crackling fire.
“I’ve got an idea,” she said finally, eyebrows rising and mouth breaking into a grin.
James stared at her dumbly. “Oh?”
“Oh,” repeated Anna, and with that she bridged the distance between the two of them to lift her mouth to his ear.
It was, ironically, at that moment Lily cast her gaze around the edge of the stairwell. There was James, on the sofa, and there was Anna, and -- what in Godric’s name were they doing? James looked dazed and Anna craning forward… surely… Anna wasn’t… leeching off of his neck like that?
What was Anna thinking? What was she doing? Why, why would she be doing it?
And this, thought Lily, is why you never apologize to James Potter. Everyone else worships him, anyway -- you can't have done any real damage.
Pivoting on her heel, she was up the stairs and back into the dorm haughtily before neither Anna nor James could catch a glimpse of her.
---
Comments are always lovely. =)
<3
Kali
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Very interesting, especially since Lily was about to apologize :D
Can't wait to see more!
Hmmm....
(Anonymous) 2005-06-06 04:00 am (UTC)(link)no subject
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Thanks for reading, though, and glad you liked it. =)
<3
Kali
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(Anonymous) 2005-06-06 06:19 pm (UTC)(link)My only question (and I had this in the original one, too) is why Anna would do this to Lily (not saying what she does...first time readers will find out soon enough). Yeah, Lily deserved it, and yeah, it makes sense that Anna thought Lily should apologize first, but Anna is still Lily's best friend. I think she'd stick by her, for the most part. I really like the idea in general, but in later chapters will you tell us the reason? Because now I'm curious...
Hope you update the next chapter soon!!!
~Anonymouse11
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You capture emotion with an art - the many emotions in these last 2 chapters were raw and real and honest (i had tingles down my spine with the ball row) - and you also depict characters realistically: it's wonderful not having to deal with saint/paragorn/marysue!Lily, and instead have a Lily with flaws, an idol with clay feet if you will.
That said you balance the two sides of James perfectly: keeping with the cruel, dark side (He rocked in the ball row...he was cruel, brutally honest but he plain rocked) but showing us he is good and amazing, his capacity for love, someone who understands people and human nature far better than most, someone who sees the grey between the black and white.
I have a new fav Lily/James writer! ^_^ Yay!
Wonderful stuff and hope you update soon!
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I can't wait to see where you take this!
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(Anonymous) 2005-06-11 06:21 am (UTC)(link)no subject
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Poor Lily and James.
I just read these seven chapters and I've got to hand it to you, they're AMAZING. I completely love them. I've been drawn in so hardcore it isn't even funny. I love the way you write, the little snippets of quotes you use. It's crafty and beautiful.
I can't wait to read more =)
<3 Julia
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I don't quite know what to think about Lily changing her mind, although I'm pretty sure that after she decided to apologize to James and then find him 'snogging' Anna, she'll be even more pissed off and vindictive. Truly a vicious, vicious cycle.
Ooh, I can't wait to see what Anna's plan was. If one was to go by the lyrics at the beginning of the chapter, one would've thought that James would seek comfort from Anna by going out with her. Meh. Don't quite know what to think anymore.
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